I'm trying to understand how her brain works. She has moderate dementia.
I'm losing my patience with mom as I've to argue and beg her every week to shower or at least get out of her smelly clothes? She insists "she showered this morning, yesterday". So I do yell at her in frustration. She will not use bath wipes ("meh...leave me alone") or let me bathe her ("noooo way"). I'm not insisting on a daily bath, just maybe twice a week.
So if any relative ever calls her, she will tell them I yell at her (I'm beyond caring now what the relatives think of me). Yet she forgets other things like I said in the title.
We will be bankrupt in no time if we put her in a facility here and anyway, Im not emotionally ready to "place" mom here.
Watching a LO decompensate mentally is really, really hard.
If it's someone you just 'know', a neighbor or such, you kind of shake your head and feel sad for a minute, but if it's not in your face 24/7, it really doesn't bug you.
Try LIVING with it, or having that be the way your LO is whenever you are trying to help them--it's beyond frustrating--as you've discovered.
With a 'broken brain' a person can no more make sense than they can fly. I am experiencing this with both my mom and MIL. They just talk and it's a kind of stream-of-consciousness type talking that has no beginning or end. Just talk.
As far as making mom bathe--I can only 2nd what funkyg-ma said--maybe some outside help would be good. I worked in elder care and I could get my clients to do whatever needed to be done--I was being PAID for my endless patience. I find that with my own moms--I have a very short fuse and getting angry doesn't help at all.
You ask WHY? And the sad truth is, there's no real answer. They don't process things in an orderly fashion any more. Their brains are literally changing, physically, and you can only go with the flow.
I do find that anger is pointless--when I start to get angry, b/c mom is being, well, herself, I can say goodbye and walk away.
This isn't criticism; I understand how frustrating caregiving can be. But take some time for yourself and think of a different way of interacting before the situation gets worse.
I don't think caregivers realize how unsettling, and especially frightening, it is to age, and therefore aren't always as able to relate to what our parents are enduring.