My husband of forty years has many health problems. Heart, spine, hearing.
He relies on me for every single thing and decision. This has been doing for many years and acts like a little boy. He is 89, I am 80. I feel there is not much time left in my life and he is currently making it very difficult.
He fell over several times and has trouble walking and hearing (which he wont get fixed) I am in burnout mode
I like my quiet Den, he likes to watch his sports in the living room. I know I would not handle it well if he started being clingy. I would say, dementia has set in. It happens with people who having hearing problems. As said, its called shadowing. If you can afford it, maybe Adult care a few days a week.
This is not to say you should do all the caring yourself, however, just take a different approach to HOW you view this man's behavior. I've had some pretty hard pity parties for myself the past couple of months, and dh has been there encouraging me thru each one. I'm sure he's tired, too, but being my rock is a huge help now as it was for him when I stepped up last April. And with his 3 heart surgeries the past 2 years before that.
Hire in home help to give you well deserved and needed respite
Go out for lunch and shopping while he's being cared for by paid help
Look into managed care Assisted Living for him or both of you. My folks each had their own friends and activities to pursue in AL but lived together WITH plenty of helpers on hand.
I see nowhere you mentioning dementia? If there is dementia at play, look into daycare and or a weeks respite stay in a memory care facility for dh.
Nobody knows how much time they have left in life, actually. Figure out how to live YOUR life w/o devoting 100% of it to dh and his health issues. Reach a compromise where he gets your attention part time and you pay attention to yourself the rest of the time.
Life is only good when we give and take.....not when we're doing things out of resentful obligation. And living alone at 80 is probably not all the relaxation and stress free existence you think it is.
It is time for an honest talk with hubby that you are sorry but cannot go on in this wise. If something now happens to YOU due to taking on care in this manner, who will be there to visit with him. Where will he end up without your support. This is no longer really a choice for either of you if you are to survive.
You didn't create this. You can't fix this. This will be endured until he passes. It is time to be realistic about placing, and visiting so that you can rest and care for yourself. Human endurance IS finite.
I will repeat again what I mentioned in my other comment.
Shadowing or clinging is common with dementia. From this description you have given it sounds like your husband has some form of dementia.
Has he been to a doctor that has diagnosed dementia? If not this might be good information to have. It will not change the outcome and medications at this point may not help.
I will tell you right now if/when he falls again call 911 and ask for a "LIFT ASSIST" in most cases there ill not be a charge for the help as there is no transport to the hospital. (If he is injured they may want to transport him you can still refuse transport though if you do not want him taken to the hospital.) The paramedics are trained in getting someone off the floor without hurting themselves or your husband.
Does your husband use a walker? Does he have one? that might help if he does not have one. It can help with the mobility and possibly even help prevent some of the falls he has had.
It might help both of you if you get a caregiver that can come in for at least a few hours a few days a week.
I mentioned in my other comment about Adult Day Programs. That would give you a break and it would give him something to do as well.