My Mom is 83 & today it just really seemed to hit her that she is getting older. She realized that she is forgetting more things, like the name of a store and where is it located, or a person's name & has trouble articulating her thoughts sometimes because she can't think of the right word. She broke down today in tears and said that she feels so alone. It broke my heart and all I could say to her was that she wasn't alone, but in a sense she is, because I can't know how it feels to understand that her world & existence has changed so much. What do I say? I should say that my Mother, sister and I all live together & I am her primary caregiver since being laid off a few years ago.
If she's not mobile and or shy. I like to use humor. Have a conversation and find out her fears and understand the scenarios she feels uncomfortable. Then have code words. My husband and I have code words, like 'Red Dog Flies', 'Popcorn', '911' for certain situation, so when you see her forget or there's a situation she needs to trust your judgement, use the code word that only you and her know what it means.
Her dignity stays intact and you two have started a new path into this new normal.
Stay Inspired,
Shonda
Thank you so much!
You said the right thing to her, that she wasn't alone. You addressed her feelings and responded to them. You respected them.
You can ask her at an appropriate time why she feels so alone or you can just keep being there for her when she's feeling lonely. Either way is supportive.
I wonder if your mom is saying "alone" but means "isolated."
After I submitted my question, I went back to talk to her and I was surprised to see that she appeared to be fine. The spark was back in her eyes and she was smiling. A little background, prior to her upset we had been in the process of paying some of her bills and she got several of the payment slips mixed up with the wrong checks, she had written the wrong account numbers, and it took a bit to get everything back in order. As I was getting everything sorted out properly, she made mention of some things completely unrelated to the bills, but she had dates and facts wrong...she had forgotten some things. It is at this point when I was reminding her of the forgotten points, and she got upset and began to cry. She was so distraught and I tried to comfort her and let her know that she wasn't losing her mind (she said she thought she was), she was just getting older and that it was normal to sometimes get things a little jumbled or to forget things, and it was at this point that she said she felt so alone. I asked her what she meant when she said she felt alone, and she explained to me that it was because sometimes she couldn't find the right words to explain what or how she was feeling, and we couldn't really understand since we are not her age. She said she just got overwhelmed with everything that had transpired within the last hour (getting her bills mixed up & forgetting some things) and her frustration just boiled over. Basically, she said she just needed a good cry to get it all out. I love her so much, and I just hugged her and told her how much she means to me, and how precious I consider the time that I get to spend with her. I always want to preserve her dignity and let her know that we are with her on this journey and she will never be alone.
Thank you again, Eyerishlass...
Assure your sweet mom that no matter what happens and when, she is your mom and always willl be and you love her very, very much. Find a nice little tea room in your city, dress up and go for a High Tea. Or go play mini-golf. Whatever you do, don’t pity her. If you are positive about what she can still do and not pitying her for what she’s lost, she will take her cues from you.
Sending hugs to all of you and a special big one to Mom.
After I submitted my question on this forum, I went back to talk to her and she was fine. Basically, she just got overwhelmed with the realization that things were changing and her frustration boiled over. I remind her often of the many things that she can still do and how much we love her. We hugged it out & she told me that she knew that in spite of her issues, she was blessed. I came across "A Letter from a Mother to a Daughter" a few years ago, and I re-read it often to remind me of how things are for her, and to give me comfort that I am doing all I can for her.
Thank you so much, Ahmijoy for the hugs & I will definitely give Mom a big one! I wish you well and am sending prayers for you and your husband...