I've always been a disappointment to her - I don't know why. I've given her 6 lovely grandchildren and great grans. I work and have a full life and am basically nice to people! She's criticized me all my life and said some really dreadful things but now it's even worse - and at 60 I can t take it any more. My brother - her wonderful son - barely visits her and does nothing to help. She snaps at me about everything I do - where I put the shopping, if I touch anything, whatever I do is wrong. I broke down today and told her what I thought and how I can't go on and that I'm sorry I'm not my brother. Now I feel awful. I know she's very old and I sort everything for her so she can stay at home like she wants to but however hard I try - it's wrong - Help me to survive!!
Boundries need to be set. Illness or age has nothing to do with respect. You have let this go too long and now its going to be hard changing her so u have to change you. You are an adult and despite ur Mom, have done well. Please, don't feel guilty. This is why she has gotten away with her abuse, she can make u feel guilty. I bet ur brother never feels guilty. You have told her how you feel. Good! Now don't go backwards, go forwards. Tell her you are willing to give her a day a week or so many hours a certain day. Thats the day you will shop and run errands. In between she can take advantage of resources in your County. Senior bussing. Meals on wheels. This info can be gotten thru your Office of Aging. If she needs help with her daily stuff, hire an aide. If no money, call Medicaid for an eval and she may get an aide for a few hours a day. Anything else, call your brother. Because, you will no longer put up with her abuse. You are so much more than that. Those days that you do help, when she gets nasty, walk out. Don't visit if u don't want to.
What was her response?
She has gotten away with this behavior and that is why it continues, set your boundaries and stick to them. When my mother starts I pick up my purse and leave, no comments no nothing, If she asks me why I left, I tell her, if she starts to put me down or is rude, I will leave, and I do.
I would also back off on your visits and stop being her punching bag. You are doing too much for her, have a talk with your brother, tell him that you can no longer continue to bear the brunt of her care, if he doesn't want to help then he can tell mom that she will have to go into AL. Time to stand up and be counted.
Now a 98yr old Mother.. can't go too far. Can't say "well the food is in the shop if you want it - go buy it".
Yes she may be taking you for granted. She may also be crotchity that she needs the help & can't do it herself. Either way, it would be nicer to be appreciated. You may not be able to change her, but can change your own reactions. Could try biting back? Depends on your preference & style: brutally honest / humour / kindness.
Mum! When did your last slave die? Coz THIS slave is about to either die of nagging or QUIT. So quit the nagging or I will quit!
Well Mrs Bossy, you'll have to get a new servant-girl, I obviously just won't do. Now should we give *golden brother* a call to see if he would do a better job next week?
I know it must be hard when other people help you & they do it different but let's just get all this done & go have a nice *whatever*.