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I am the youngest daughter with (now) two siblings. I moved in with my mom and dad and helped my mom care for my dad for 13 months until his passing without help from a sibling. We asked for help and never got it. After my dad's passing, I got my own place but continued to help my mom while others did not. I ended up with Mom moving closer to me so I could be more instrumental in seeing to her needs. Mom is now 91 and showing signs of mental decline. She was attacked in her home a little less than two months ago and suffered a traumatic brain injury and lost the use of her left arm. This, coupled with the onset of diagnosed dementia, made it necessary for me to move in and care for her. I have Durable Power of Attorney. Mom's mental state has extreme fluctuations and I suffer the brunt of it. She has angry outbursts, she is paranoid, she accuses me of taking her things only to find them later, she attempted to get physical with me, and she has even suggested I might be the one who attacked her. Stage left...enters my brother. Growing up with him as an older brother was not pleasant. He was involved in drugs, he threatened to kill us, he stole from my parents and was physically abusive to me. He ended up spending a year in the penitentiary. After my dad's passing, my brother tried to take over my mom's assets twice. He has done nothing for her in the years I've been here (now 7 years). He rarely called. On his last visit to her house more than a year ago, he stole family heirlooms. As soon as my mom was hospitalized and he found out I was my mom's POA, he called my oldest sister and tried to get her to agree that I shouldn't be the one. She didn't. Now he is calling Mom and she him and they are having secretive conversations. I saw a drastic turn in her mindset towards me. He is trying to get her to make some changes regarding her assets. I am certain he is doing everything he can to undermine me. Mom has become suspicious of me insinuating I attacked her, I want to get rid of her, just all sorts of crazy things. What steps do I need to take to handle my brother, protect myself from wrongful accusations, and help my mom live a more peaceful and relaxed life free of fear?

Go speak with an eldercare attorney .
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Reply to waytomisery
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First, I’ll point out it wasn’t “necessary for me to move in and take care of her” Please acknowledge that was a choice you made, there were other choices, but you chose this. I hope it wasn’t to the detriment of your own life, finances, and health as you and your future matter too. Assuming your mother has diagnosed dementia, it’s too late for her to change POA, she lacks mental capacity for legal decisions now. You may consider getting the lawyer who drew up the POA documents to write brother a not so friendly letter letting him know this and telling him to back off. Please also discuss with mom’s doctors her increasing paranoia and anger, ask if there are appropriate meds to help calm these behaviors. They might be just as frightening to her as they are frustrating to you. You may need to block brother’s number from mom’s phone if the conversations are all about causing trouble. Never admit or tell anyone if you do this. Consider your own safety from him. Mom no longer needs to be in control of her finances, this is the time a POA acts in her best interests. Keep thorough records of all you do. This is a lot to take on, know it’s okay to change the plan when needed, by either bringing in more help or moving mom to where help is available. I wish you both peace
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Reply to Daughterof1930
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Time for full implementation of your POA, probably time for placement of your mother in care after full physical assessment for her abilities to act on her own behalf as regards executive functioning and her assets. You may need guardianship. However, you need to understand this means you are in full charge of her assets, and ever penny into and out of her accounts with full accounting. It also means you cannot easily resign said duty if it is too difficult or onerous, or she uncooperative, as resignation of guardianship or conservatorship must be done before a judge.

Call APS if you suspect brother of abuse; you may need to use your POA to forbid his visits eventually, and may need stay-away or restraining order against him.

If you are up to all of this it is time to see an elder law attorney.
If you are NOT (and I certainly would not be) it may be time to tell the state they need to act for your mother as her guardian, place and protect her. APS can help you get that started, in most cases.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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