How do I deal with unhelpful, narcissistic, selfish SIL?
Caring for my 92 year old MIL with CHF. We moved her into our home because that is what was best for her. Her son (my husband) and I are both retired so able to give her 24/7 care. She is not able to cook, clean etc, only use of 15% of her heart. She has significantly improved since bringing her here, gained some weight back, got her up and moving so she can get around better without getting as tired. I do 99% of care giving from dr appointments to cooking, cleaning laundry, showers etc.
Husband's sisters do not help, one moved across country and calls daily, texts me with "orders" for taking care of mom. Other one is 20 -25 mins away, shows up maybe once a month, I have asked she lets us know at least the day before if she's coming so I can make sure I have mom's stuff ready to go if they are going out. (Mom enjoys going out for lunch or a quick trip to the store now that she's able to walk around better) She will call mom, tell her she'll be by and cancels at the last minute. Or just show up expecting to just up and go. She wants nothing to do with helping and when asked to come down for a couple of hours she had every excuse in the book why she couldn't. This is the woman who picked moms house clean of anything that wasn't nailed down. We set up a room for mom using her livingroom furniture for when she wanted me time to make her more comfortable with her surroundings. This SIL comes in looks at the room and starts inventorying items in there. Oh, mom, I don't remember this, I like this piece of furniture, tell sil it is my antique dressing table, oh, so you gave this to mom, um no, I put it there for her to use. So its a gift, um no, it's mine. From Tvs we put up there for her to use to the bedding I purchased, she keeps hinting to mom that she wants or needs it. This is the same person who keeps saying well when we sell the house and we get the money from it mom we can do xyz. We????? Its not her money, it's mom's, and needs to be saved in case she needs it in the future. I am sick and tired of her taking advantage of mom, crying about poor me, I don't have any money, I don't know what to do.
Told husband to keep an eye on mom's account, he is POA and also signer on accounts. SIL not happy about that either. It's like either he doesn't want to engage her in anyway or once again its up to me to figure out so he doesn't need to bother. I try to do the best I can for this lady, meds, cooking 3x daily due to low sodium diet (1400mg daily max) hospice, drs, dentist appointments, I am the one who has to have contact with potential buyers for her home "contact so and so, set up showing, post on this site etc. All this in addition to my normal everyday chores. Then I have to listen to him whine how he can't do anything "fun" anymore or travel. Did I mention I set "play" dates up for him with his friends so he could go out motorcycle riding this past summer, and that he's constantly going here and there while I'm here taking care of her? I'm getting tired of being the only one doing stuff. I love the lady dearly and am her greatest protector. How do I get him to back me up or at least deal with his sister?