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One of the most disagreeable duties of being a caregiver is the incontinence issue. When they are incontinent “both ways”, like my husband, that makes it even more difficult and distasteful. It doesn’t mean we don’t care about them. Or even that we are angry with and blame them for losing control. It’s just a totally and completely disgusting job. But it has to be done. They can’t help it or take care of toileting issues themselves. Really. And, in the case of a person with dementia, if we express anger and disgust, they start pooping behind chairs and beds or in their hands and hiding it in dresser drawers.

A toileting schedule is a wonderful idea. It’s how they do it in facilities. Give Grandma her privacy (but stay close-by) and maybe even set a radio in there for her.
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Don't you think that if she had control over this issue she would use a toilet? Human beings don't do this intentionally. Consider dementia (most likely if she's elderly) or mental illness.
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The only thing that might help is to keep her on a bathroom schedule. If she tends to go about the same time every day make sure she uses the toilet before that time, and make sure she sits there long enough (5 - 10 minutes) - I used to set a timer. If she goes at random times then toileting her every couple of hours or at least after meals and snacks might be needed. You probably have to accept that she will still have accidents, stock up on incontinence underwear and wipes for cleaning up. Adding a bidet sprayer attachment to the toilet (heated if possible) can help with clean up.
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Great idea Cwillie, I didn't know bidet like attachments were even out there. Lol
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Yes, its time for pull ups.
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