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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
She pays her rent, right? Then she can pay for a geriatric care manager or personal assistant. You can order supplies online please don't subject yourself to her abuse.
Do you have medical insurance? If you do, contact your insurance company and find out how they handle coverage for therapy. They may have a list of providers that you can chose from.
Is your mom eligible for Medicaid? You are not responsible for your mother' s care. Even if she tells you that you are, you're not.
Yes I need a therapist I'm searching for one now. My mom is paying her own way. I can't back off cus who's going to go buy diapers and ointments and stuff? Who's going to take her to Dr appointments. This ALF is more of a board and care. They don't have a director or SW. This is a residential home with a bunch of rooms and beds and Philippino people who come and go more frequently than I can keep track of. That is ALF in so cal. There is no residential care coordinator. I pay 3500 for a room. And people in the house to make breakfast lunch and dinner and a shower every other week. Ali: thxs, you seem to understand. This thread is my only support. Thxs everyone
I just read your profile and believe that, as is commonly addressed here, you need to establish some boundaries, which wouldn't include taking your mother to storage to select the clothing she wears.
Start backing off and establishing what you will or won't do. Don't be manipulated; stand your ground.
And ask the ALF if there are SWs to whom you could speak. I think they will probably tell you the same thing - start diminishing the catering you're doing, stand up for yourself, draw the line, and when you do start backing away and not being available as you are now, you'll begin to feel better.
Keep track of the time that's wasted, for example, in taking her to the storage facility to get more clothing to wear, and use that time for something you enjoy doing.
What were your spare time activities before you started on this literally captive journey? (It's clear that you don't want to do what you're doing and don't have good feelings toward your mother, but it's helpful that you admit that. Now it's time to do something about it.)
Start the separate process. Depersonalize it if you have to - think of a NASA rocket during takeoff and eventual separation. You're that rocket and you're approached separation time.
Oh, if your mom is in AL, then, I'd ask for a meeting with the Resident Care coordinator. Explain your issues and see what can be done. Normally, the facility will have a team meeting to discuss issues and try to come up with options. I found that very helpful. They have the nurse, Med Tech, social director, etc. all come together to compare notes and discuss issues. I found their recommendations to be quite helpful. They may have a social worker on staff. You can inquire about it.
Jetcity, your mom's ALF has social workers that either work directly for them, or are affiliated. You can schedule a time to talk to them and find out about various resources in mom's area.
I read your info, Jetcity. I can relate to caring for a parent that has been nothing but harmful and hurtful to me all my life. It's so incredibly difficult to caregive to parents who were like that. They were so selfish, and now we give so much. I don't think it's healthy in the least. Can you can make sure your mom is ok without getting too sucked in to having to cater to her? Maybe maintaining a healthy distance is best for YOU. There is an ongoing support thread here on Aging Care, "The Caregiver & Dysfunctional Families: How are you doing?" Come on over and check it out if you'd like some input, advice, support, and understanding.
There are a couple of places to contact social workers in my area: every hospital has them, most geriatric care clinics have them, the local offices of APS/Dept of Aging will have them.
You're smart to get help. Overloading yourself can really harm your health. Please let us know how things work out. I don't know of anyone who have used this type of service before.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Is your mom eligible for Medicaid? You are not responsible for your mother' s care. Even if she tells you that you are, you're not.
Your mom needs to pay ger own way. Do you have POA?
Start backing off and establishing what you will or won't do. Don't be manipulated; stand your ground.
And ask the ALF if there are SWs to whom you could speak. I think they will probably tell you the same thing - start diminishing the catering you're doing, stand up for yourself, draw the line, and when you do start backing away and not being available as you are now, you'll begin to feel better.
Keep track of the time that's wasted, for example, in taking her to the storage facility to get more clothing to wear, and use that time for something you enjoy doing.
What were your spare time activities before you started on this literally captive journey? (It's clear that you don't want to do what you're doing and don't have good feelings toward your mother, but it's helpful that you admit that. Now it's time to do something about it.)
Start the separate process. Depersonalize it if you have to - think of a NASA rocket during takeoff and eventual separation. You're that rocket and you're approached separation time.
https://www.agingcare.com/local/geriatric-care-managers
You're smart to get help. Overloading yourself can really harm your health. Please let us know how things work out. I don't know of anyone who have used this type of service before.