My father is immobile, bedridden, and experiences some short term memory loss due to a brain tumor. I can no longer physically help lift him onto bedside commode without hurting myself, however he refuses a bedpan, complaining of pain and the inability to go #2 on a bedpan. He also refuses going in pull up briefs.
Paying a caregiver to be around all hours of the day just for the times when he needs to get on bedside commode is not an option. Thanks for any advice!
Have his doctor order a Sit To Stand. That will make getting him up and out of bed onto the commode, into a chair very easy. If he can hold on to a support bar and if he has some strength in his legs the Sit to Stand is the way to go.
If he does not have any strength and if he can not hold on or have strength in his legs then the doctor should order a Hoyer Lift.
Is your dad on Hospice? If so they can order either piece of equipment. And they will train you how to use it.
(and it sounds like he would qualify for Hospice)
A caregiver is not to JUST get him out of bed and to the toilet. A caregiver should also help with light housekeeping, changing his bed, bathing him, helping him dress. And if dad is "bedbound" he should be moved at least every 2 hours to help prevent pressure sores. And make sure that sheets and clothing are not wrinkled.
His memory will get worse. His body will get worse. And yours is already getting worse! You can't keep going with this. There's no magic way to convince a person to do something when they've decided they won't.
If he is still fairly cognizant, you can give him two choices: Hire someone or placement. Because at this rate he will out-live you, and what will happen to him then?
I'm guessing he'll say NO to both, but he surely has noticed how much you're struggling. I'm sure he'd choose hiring help above a facility.
Now I did have to hire an aide that wasn't affiliated with an agency as most agencies require a 3-4 hour minimum. They are out there. I got my aides name from our Senior Services, as she had worked for them for 12 years, but left to go out on her own.
Good luck and God bless.