My husband just turned 72 and was diagnosed with early stage of Alzheimer's in 2000, but i knew something was going on before then. It's a weekly struggle to get him to shower & shave even though he's still able to do himself. He says he doesn't do anything to get dirty, but he looks awful and it's not normal or healthy to go a week or some times 10-14 days if i let him until i get on him. He wasn't always like this & i can't stand it!!!
You don't really.
And you are lucky if it works to remind him.
Sometimes, for some people, the worst person to deal with them is family. You can try an aid once a week to help with cleanup, someone strong who will just kind of muster him into the shower and take care of things. But overall you may be looking forward to in facility care. I am so sorry.
Call your husbands primary doctor and request home health services. Explain that he is difficult for you to manage. He will be evaluated for services. If they can help him, he will have a nurse once a week to check his vitals and set up his meds. The nurse can arrange for him to have a bathing aide who will bath him and shave him. She can change his bed linens. He will bathe when the aide is there and you will just need to have his clean clothes ready. You can also ask he receive physical therapy. This will give you a layer of help. Medicare Part B covers this if he has original Medicare. It is a benefit of his insurance. If he doesn’t have original Medicare, call his insurance to see what service is provided. For someone who wants to live at home as long as possible, home health is very helpful. It is not custodial care.
It's now time that you take the proverbial bull by the horns and start doing these things for him yourself.
I had to help my late husband in the shower, wash him up, help him out and dry him off. I also had to shave him myself after I couldn't take his scruffiness any more.
And you don't ask your husband, you just tell him that it's time for a shower and shave and then lead him in the bathroom.
And of course if you're not comfortable doing the above, you can always hire a CNA to come out and give him a shower and shave twice a week.
And you can also use the extra large body wipes and waterless shampoo and conditioner caps for the in between shower days. They work great and both can be ordered on either Amazon or Walmart.com.
Serious answer - making bathing a part of his usual daily routine. Use the same cleaning products, the same linens, and offer to help wash his back. You might also offer to help him shave. Many men like a shave with warm, wet towel treatment beforehand and a nice lady doing the duties. If he sees cleaning up as a treat, he might be more amenable.
So sorry he has early onset. That's really the worst.
Councelling was offered to the Wife. "HE's the problem!" she said.
They helped that lady to look at what he could still do. To explain that skills to start a task (initiate) fade.
To be thankful he could still shower himself, even with reminders.
Next would come battles over washing. A bath aide would be needed 2-3 times a week. (My folks have had this situation for a few years now).
After that comes full care for bathing, eating & toileting.
It is an awful progressive condition. I am sorry.
" level of care needs assessment" on your husband and, go from there with possible new needed home care assistance. For example perhaps it may be time for PCP to refer you to a home health care agency ( ies) for assistance in the home with what they call " ADL' S" ( Assist daily living skills) .....
This is all important for your well being ( emotional, spiritual etc) also .
Also speak with Alzheimer's Support group or having home health support in the home will give you an added path to education about Alzheimer's changes, challenges etc.
Bathing is one of the challenges observed with dementia patients. His PCP or home health care nurse skilled in Alzheimer's care can speak with you more about this
Practice good self care !!!!
* You may not be able to 'get' him to shower w/o support. As things progress, reminders may not help either as he may be resistant (due to confusion, depression, fear of water (it happens).
I would recommend that you start with getting someone in there - a care giver - a neutral 'professional' person that your husband may relate well to - (a man for showering likely best).
- He may also be resistant to anyone else caring for him (caregiver needs in general or more personal such as showering). However, you need to take care of YOURSELF, too. And consider how things are moving along - more reminders, more resistance, more frustration for the both of you.
You might first try introducing a new person / care provider 'as your old friend' and see how that goes. Even two showers / hyigene needs a week might be enough (for bathing / shaving).
You do not want to be in or involved in a 'struggle.' You need to let that go.
You need to learn how to work with him - not try to push (counter-productive - won't work).
Learn to be patient (as I am sure you already are / trying to be) as well as learn that you need to STEP BACK when the struggle starts. Let it go. If you need to, shift to a bed-bath. "fighting' with him will not get his needs met. You need to learn other ways - by trial and error.
Always give yourself a lot of compassion and breaks.
This is very hard and painful for you. It is a process of grieving really.
Allow yourself to have some time for you; get out as you can (a caregiver will be good for you/r respite) even if a couple of hours a week or a 'one day off a week' as you might be able to manage / do. You need to take care of yourself.
Lastly, see if. there are any dementia support groups in your area.
That may help you a lot.
Gena / Touch Matters
That seems to make her feel she’s still calling the shots —- and she USUALLY will gladly comply. For this shower and clean clothes to take place, it’s the only way I have found to make it happen.