Mom's primary care doctor will not sign the paper stating mom has dementia and can't take care of herself. Doctor said we will have to go to court. Mom's lawyer won't talk to me although I set everything up with mom, on how to invoke the POA so I can get help from her insurance for in home care. Do I need to find an elder care lawyer to help me invoke her POA?
I am surprised by your doctor. The doctor is correct that this is for the court to decide. But guess HOW the courts DO decide? They aren't psychics, so they look at the letters from the doctors.
All that makes me a little concerned that her doc doesn't think that she isn't in control of her own capacity to make executive functions/decisions? Did you discuss this with him/her?
I believe I would change doctors when time is appropriate (likely not in the middle of this). Ask for a referral to a geriatrician, and it won't look like you don't "like" this one, but like you are needing a specialist to guide you.
I would also ask the doctor now to order a neuro-psyc exam so that THAT doctor (who should be very familiar with all this and likely already have a form to fill in for you) can attest to mom's inability.
You can take this up with an elder law attorney. Your current POA will allow you to spend your mother's funds to see an attorney to get everything all nicely and neatly tied with a bow.
I sure hope you will update us on this. It's a bit unusual. Banks ALWAYS say no to POA; it seems their go-to first move. But doctors usually WANT to protect their patients in this way, so this is a bit shocking to be honest, for this old nurse to hear.
Is the Dr a PCP/ GP? If so, you should have a Neurologist check her out. Ask him for a diagnoses of Denentia and what type. You may need to go to court for guardianship. Lawyer probably will not talk to you or Doctor either because you don't hold POA. Ask the lawyer about guardianship. Its expensive but I think u can use Moms money.
Just for your info, SS does not except POA. So being payee has nothing to do with holding or not holding POA.