My mother is a very difficult person to get along with. We have never had a good mother/daughter relationship. Plus she is an alcoholic. She is living with me and we are both miserable. We fight all the time and I am getting very resentful of her. I feel tied down, trapped and hopeless. I want her to go to nursing home but she refuses. She is wheeĺchair bound and incontinent. She refuses to bathe and take her meds. All she wants to do is drink. She has been difficult my whole life and I'm over her. If it comes to it, can I legally make her go? I am her medical POA.
Talk to you mom's doctor; does she need skilled nursing care? Memory Care?
Start getting your mother on waiting lists and tour all your nearby homes.
Might I ask how she comes to live with you, if you never had a good relationship?
If she is mentally incompetent and can't make her own decisions, you have one problem. If she is competent, then you have a different problem.
Your profile indicates that she has mobility problems and doesn't mention dementia.
Can she self pay for a NH? Who has financial POA?
If she has no assets then she needs to apply for Medicaid.
If she is competent and can pay, then you might have to evict her to have her legally removed, regardless of where she goes.
If she is competent she can always change her medical POA.
It's a tough problem. I would read the POA as Barb suggested.
I would contact her dr about the alcohol for instructions and ask that a home health nurse be sent out to help you manage her care and a bath aid or that he admit her in the hospital for detox. She could probably also use some physical therapy.
If she has Medicare or Medicaid already then that would cover the cost of the home health services.
I would also ask the dr if any if her meds are affected by alcohol. She may know she shouldn't drink while on the meds and that may be why she isn't taking the meds. Preferring to drink. That may be a reach but I would ask or check with the pharmacy.
The social worker is also a good idea.
Consider a care contract and make sure she is paying her share of expenses in your home. Gather all your resources. Once you start with a clear goal in mind it will become easier and the energy will change in your home.
As her medical POA you either need to do the job or resign the "honor". I wouldn't stop it until I had her out of the house or unless an attorney tells you to.
Regardless of how you feel today you must have had your reasons for allowing her to move in. It's very hard to care for someone even when we love them dearly.
Come back and let us know what steps you take and how it's going. We are here for you.