Honestly I can’t always detach i’m one of his only caregivers. He’s my father. Of course I love him but I can’t take much more of the insults. I guess he’s not proud of me and that’s ok but I work hard.. very and have done nothing to him so u don’t appreciate the insults. He’s not more successful than me in any way. I’m at dinner w him now and he’s insulting me.. on his birthday. My mother is here and is in denial.
It might be time to insist on taking a step back because you’re “so very busy” and likewise insist on hiring an alternative caregiver to “help YOU out”.
As much as we want it to, sometimes they know where we’re vulnerable, and they cut to the quick. Know your limits. Keep within it. Caregiving is important, but it should never come at the expense of your self-esteem.
HUGS.
You can certainly love your father and not like his behavior at the same time. Dementia is an ugly condition, certainly, and one that takes nasty behavior to all new heights. My mother is soon to be 95 and has said some really rotten things to me as well, things that I believe she's FELT in her heart for decades, just never vocalized until dementia took away her social filters. Now the truth comes out in its unvarnished ugliness. So I leave her presence when she goes too far, and that's that. Or, I hang up the phone and say goodnight if she goes on a tirade when we're speaking.
Wishing you the best of luck standing up for yourself with your parents; respect is a two-way street, even with dementia present!