My mom is 67 years old and has been having some memory loss for awhile now (i.e. forgetting children's birthdays, recipes). Over the last year she has been progressively more paranoid. She thinks my dad has been rearranging her stuff and hiding stuff from her. I didn't think much of it since I thought normal aging would cause lack of remembering birth dates and she has always been a bit paranoid about people touching her stuff. Since I was a child, she has always kept her pocketbook right next to her even going as far as sitting on it. In the past month, everything has gotten way worse. She started thinking that her next door neighbors are fighting at night and that the husband is abusing the wife. She tells these elaborate tales of him making his wife dig medication out of the ground and the girl running down the street screaming. I know none of this is true because I live across the street from my mom. That has progressed within a month to her believing the man is saying her name and is going to burn down her house. In the past 2 weeks, she has started having more hallucinations. She calls me every night around 10pm saying that people are outside. The other night she thought someone was trying to steal their truck. Last night, she thought my brothers ex-wife was outside saying that my nephew had died. She even asked me if he was dead today. My brother called saying she was talking to a woman through the vent today as well. When I asked her about it, she said it was the woman next door. I asked her what she said. She told me that she said she was from my mom's childhood neighborhood and that she has a child by my dad. I have tried to convince her to go to the doctor, but she says she doesn't have the money. I have offered to pay for the visit, but she makes other excuses. I have begged her to let me go to the doctor with her when she has her regular checkups, but she won't. My father will not listen to reasoning and help me out. He just says she's a liar or says he will tell the doctor, but never does. My brothers have issues with drug abuse and are in and out of jail, so there is no real help there. The only reason my brother told me about the vent talking today was because he was afraid my dad was going to throw him out and he needed a place to stay. So, here I am, asking for help. I don't know what to do. Today she barely even seemed to know she was talking to me and only wanted to talk about the woman in the vent. She has had issues with pain pill addictions in the past, but has never had issues like these arise with them. She recently had an issue with really low potassium and had to take pills for it. Maybe she is having that issue again? Maybe it is dementia? Lord, I hope not. I love her so much and don't want her to go through anymore pain in her life than she already has. How do I help her if she won't let me go to the doctor with her? Could this be something besides dementia? Thank you for taking the time to read this. Any help would be appreciated.
M88
This fact may be vital to her attorney who will work for her voluntary placement or release. What is important is the difference between voluntary and involuntary.
Even when involuntarily committed, her advocates (you, an attorney, patient's rights advocate) the goal should be change her status to voluntary. That determination opens a whole lot of choices for care, including transfer to the private facilty nearer you.
Keep trying.
Click on Families and Caregivers
Click on If your family member is arrested.
Be sure to explain she is at a disadvantage because of her education and communication issues. If she speaks english as a second language, the hospital is required to provide an interpreter in her native tongue-or try the Dept. of Social Services.
Don't panic, because under the right treatment, and the passage of time (48 hrs., 7 days, 14 days, 21 days) Mom will be getting much improved and better able to pass the tests and interviews necessary for helpful placement.
How are you holding up? Don't feel bad if you cannot visit daily-patients can actually improve better in the absence of family. Ask the staff about this.
M88
If mom is psychotic, her perceptions of what is happening may not be accuate re: the judge, actions of others.
It is really important for the evaluating doctors to know that your mom only has a 3rd grade education and appears to have had liifelong cognitive challenges. Meaning that she probably would have had difficulty counting back by 7's from 100 before this recent episode. Even with the hipaa release, you can GIVE the docs and social workers information. Good luck.
Instead of phone calls, write them.
Send registered letters to all the people who are involved.
Social worker
Advocate
Doctor(s)
Chief Nurse over the ward.
Get names, last names, addresses, and communicate in writing, registered letters, with recipient SIGNATURE REQUIRED.
Post Office will return those signed cards, and that's evidence of what you're trying to accomplish.
Phone calls....... sadly, "words that are gone with the wind".
They have to know that you mean business and if there's a judge, write him too. It can be the same letter, just print out as many copies as you need.
Ask if there is an OMBUDSPERSON=a neutral party that assists both sides, to obtain a goal.
I would do that, if I were you.
Did you get into the doctor? What happened?
Hugs, x o x o,
M 8 8
NAMI also offers a free Family to Family course for family members of someone with a mental illness. Psychosis is a mental illness.
I hope this helps.
Do see your doctor and find a therapist or a pastor that you can talk with and detox from the intensity of this crisis with.
You can do this. What was your field of study in college?
From what you have described about your mother's personality, she may do better if released into a more private care psych hospital, instead of what she feels is a prison environment. There are different levels of care, if she is in a locked unit at a county facility, or actually arrested, in jail, that would make a difference.
Start looking for rehab (even drug rehab) places that she can be admitted to until she is better. Her condition will require follow-up treatment for quite some time-returning her to the same environment would be harmful to her health. Start talking to her, about when she gets better, giving her hope. Coaching her a bit on who actually is the president of the U.S., what day is this, do you know where you are? etc. are the questions of a mental status exam. No one should be in a locked ward longer than necessary due to their education status.
I had the keys to the locked ward/ icu of a teaching hospital, and was amazed at how fast the doctors discharge a very ill patient, a.s.a.p.
So be encouraged in every way. Do not worry about helping others, be able to receive, because so many on this forum do care.
It sounds like your dad is quite excitable. Do they recommend if she would be able to live in a home setting?
I wouldn't worry with helping others right now. It sounds like you have a lot on your plate.
If you get ill, you're not going to be able to care for anyone. Your blood pressure needs serious attention.
Someone suggested a mild anti-anxiety med (short term), to help you cope.
Your doctor can help you, and this way you're able to help mom and dad.
Sometimes, when someone is admitted, they'll want to limit family visiting. This is because they are trying their best to stabilize the patient, and visiting relatives can be very upset, therefore upsetting the patient.
CALL the facility, and ask what is their policy, specifically dealing with mom.
ASK if it's a good idea to go see her at this point or just talking to her on the phone would be preferable. ..... at this point.
Meanwhile YOU take care of YOU.
Tell us what happened at your appointment, and what did the facility advises as well.
We are here for you, and no, you don't owe anything to anyone.
Pray for a calm heart and a clear mind.
Hugs x o x o
M88
We are glad to be able to help and that you came here to ask for help. Keep in touch and let us know how things are going.
There should be a social worker where your mother is who can talk with you as your mother's POA to better understand what is going on and what her possible needs upon discharge will be. It is going to take some time as they see how she responds to their treatments.
Like sendme, I wonder why did they release your dad the next day? How is your dad doing?
You said that they have diagnosed her with Neurocognitive Disorder and Psychosis. Did they explain what that means? I would research it and seek advice from a health care professional about it. Based on this, it may be that your mom is going to need continuous care now. Would your dad be able to do this? Would you? I would research what this kind of care entails, before taking on that responsibility.
Since you were not able to get much information about your mother, I might check the court records in the county where she lives or in the county where she was admitted. If the county or state has appointed a temporary Guardian, they often have a file opened with the court. (The Estate or Guardianship division.) At least you might find out if there is a Guardian for her.
I would keep in mind that the things she may be saying are not necessarily true. She may be having delusions. She also isn't likely to know what is best for her right now.
I hope things get better for you and that your mother gets the help she needs. Please let us know how you are doing.
First of all this is not your fault. You have been trying to get your mother to see a doctor and she has refused.
Secondly, it is always overwhelming to experience a family member suddenly need intense psychiatric care like your mother is getting, I know for my wife has had these experiences and I still remember the first time.
Thirdly, you are not equipped to help her at home with these medical problems and your level of stress would only stress her out more. Just bringing her straight home is not going to fix anything. She's where she needs to be.
Fourthly, no one has probably said this, but what they told me when my wife went in was to take care of myself while they took care of my wife. It sounds like you need to contact your own doctor about your very high blood pressure or maybe even find a therapist to talk about your level of stress with. It does help.
Basically, you did not cause this to happen to your mom, you can't fix it and you can't control it. All you can do is control how you respond to it with some help.
How is your dad dealing with all of this?
Deep breath and count this hospitalization as a blessing.
Mom is at the RIGHT place, at the RIGHT time.
You begged for help, and it came!
She's in good hands, probably going through withdrawal symptoms, for which you couldn't help her.
Your love for mom blinds your logic.
Let her know that you love her and that for NOW, that is the best way to help her.
And you're not lying.
No guilt.
She WILL SURVIVE, and come home a new woman.
Stay calm. Decompress. Resist the urge to be in control of the situation. You're not.
Let this happen, and run its course.
M 8 8