My mom is 67 years old and has been having some memory loss for awhile now (i.e. forgetting children's birthdays, recipes). Over the last year she has been progressively more paranoid. She thinks my dad has been rearranging her stuff and hiding stuff from her. I didn't think much of it since I thought normal aging would cause lack of remembering birth dates and she has always been a bit paranoid about people touching her stuff. Since I was a child, she has always kept her pocketbook right next to her even going as far as sitting on it. In the past month, everything has gotten way worse. She started thinking that her next door neighbors are fighting at night and that the husband is abusing the wife. She tells these elaborate tales of him making his wife dig medication out of the ground and the girl running down the street screaming. I know none of this is true because I live across the street from my mom. That has progressed within a month to her believing the man is saying her name and is going to burn down her house. In the past 2 weeks, she has started having more hallucinations. She calls me every night around 10pm saying that people are outside. The other night she thought someone was trying to steal their truck. Last night, she thought my brothers ex-wife was outside saying that my nephew had died. She even asked me if he was dead today. My brother called saying she was talking to a woman through the vent today as well. When I asked her about it, she said it was the woman next door. I asked her what she said. She told me that she said she was from my mom's childhood neighborhood and that she has a child by my dad. I have tried to convince her to go to the doctor, but she says she doesn't have the money. I have offered to pay for the visit, but she makes other excuses. I have begged her to let me go to the doctor with her when she has her regular checkups, but she won't. My father will not listen to reasoning and help me out. He just says she's a liar or says he will tell the doctor, but never does. My brothers have issues with drug abuse and are in and out of jail, so there is no real help there. The only reason my brother told me about the vent talking today was because he was afraid my dad was going to throw him out and he needed a place to stay. So, here I am, asking for help. I don't know what to do. Today she barely even seemed to know she was talking to me and only wanted to talk about the woman in the vent. She has had issues with pain pill addictions in the past, but has never had issues like these arise with them. She recently had an issue with really low potassium and had to take pills for it. Maybe she is having that issue again? Maybe it is dementia? Lord, I hope not. I love her so much and don't want her to go through anymore pain in her life than she already has. How do I help her if she won't let me go to the doctor with her? Could this be something besides dementia? Thank you for taking the time to read this. Any help would be appreciated.
Just take your mom in to the MD. Does she need a referral from the PCP to see a Psychiatrist or not? If yes, get it. If not, get doctors names from PCP as far as where he/she would recommend you take mom.
Don't ask her, don't beg her, just take her when the day comes. Take her in, (sorry, it is like kidnapping), but there is no other alternative (in my book).
You may say it is YOUR doctor's appointment and you NEED her to accompany you.......................... w h a t e v e r.
You need professional help. What you describe is highly unusual, and pretty scary. Who knows what else is going on INSIDE the house............the fact that your brother found out about the "vent" conversation was purely accidental. She needs an evaluation..............
To the ones that know "LEGALESE", can perturbed get a Baker Act on her mom???
M 8 8
But I think if she's had problems with pain pill addictions in the past, it's a greater likelihood that she's abusing prescription medications or is having a bad reaction to some medication she's taking. If that's a possibility, I wouldn't take her to the doctor who is prescribing those to her - he or she is obviously not monitoring your mom well. If that's her regular doctor, I'd take her to the ER and have them do a full work up and toxicology screen, if they will do that.
I'm almost your mom's age and her behavior is NOT anything near normal or normal aging. She's got something major going on that needs immediate attention. Good luck and please come back and keep us posted on what you do. We learn from each other.
M88
A visit to an internist or PCP would likely be covered, so neither you nor your mother should have to worry about a large out of pocket expense. I think your mother is (a) just using cost as an excuse not to go and/or (b) may suspect something's wrong with her and is afraid to find out.
I agree with others; she needs to see a doctor to confirm she doesn't have a UTI, to do blood work to determine residue levels of the pain pills, and determine if she has any other issues that would be reflected through blood work.
her supplyer wont be hard to find . hes probably been wearing the same bell bottomed jeans since 1977 . probably rides a bicycle ..
1) Stop going over there at all.
2) When you see her passed out on the lawn, call 911. Do not pick her up or rescue her. They cannot help her unless they see her in that condition. She may be admitted to a rehab.
3) In the meantime, inform her doctor and pharmacist in writing that she is abusing her meds, taking too many, sharing them with her addict son (prescription drug diversion); and they will be held responsible.
4) Or, just let her live her life the way she has chosen, because
5) NO GOOD DEED GOES UNPUNISHED.
6) PLAN TO MOVE IF YOU ARE SUCCESSFUL WITH HELPING HER.
PEACE.
my late aunt got on a two week kick telling me she wasnt sure exactly how old she was but it was definately over 300 . ( UTI )
on that vs morphine or codeine - which is processed by the body as morphine.
In addition to your mother and family (not an accusation) having issues with Rx drugs and addiction, this may be what is going on, and you may be the victim of their lies instead of the person to be helping. You can look into this and the family dynamics, and save yourself.
Living across the street from brothers with issues concerning jail due to drug abuse can put ypu in danger. Want to start by assuring your safety? Locking doors, windows, protecting self from identity theft?
How did you come to be living across the street?
My sympathies.
Deep breath and count this hospitalization as a blessing.
Mom is at the RIGHT place, at the RIGHT time.
You begged for help, and it came!
She's in good hands, probably going through withdrawal symptoms, for which you couldn't help her.
Your love for mom blinds your logic.
Let her know that you love her and that for NOW, that is the best way to help her.
And you're not lying.
No guilt.
She WILL SURVIVE, and come home a new woman.
Stay calm. Decompress. Resist the urge to be in control of the situation. You're not.
Let this happen, and run its course.
M 8 8
First of all this is not your fault. You have been trying to get your mother to see a doctor and she has refused.
Secondly, it is always overwhelming to experience a family member suddenly need intense psychiatric care like your mother is getting, I know for my wife has had these experiences and I still remember the first time.
Thirdly, you are not equipped to help her at home with these medical problems and your level of stress would only stress her out more. Just bringing her straight home is not going to fix anything. She's where she needs to be.
Fourthly, no one has probably said this, but what they told me when my wife went in was to take care of myself while they took care of my wife. It sounds like you need to contact your own doctor about your very high blood pressure or maybe even find a therapist to talk about your level of stress with. It does help.
Basically, you did not cause this to happen to your mom, you can't fix it and you can't control it. All you can do is control how you respond to it with some help.
How is your dad dealing with all of this?
You said that they have diagnosed her with Neurocognitive Disorder and Psychosis. Did they explain what that means? I would research it and seek advice from a health care professional about it. Based on this, it may be that your mom is going to need continuous care now. Would your dad be able to do this? Would you? I would research what this kind of care entails, before taking on that responsibility.
Since you were not able to get much information about your mother, I might check the court records in the county where she lives or in the county where she was admitted. If the county or state has appointed a temporary Guardian, they often have a file opened with the court. (The Estate or Guardianship division.) At least you might find out if there is a Guardian for her.
I would keep in mind that the things she may be saying are not necessarily true. She may be having delusions. She also isn't likely to know what is best for her right now.
I hope things get better for you and that your mother gets the help she needs. Please let us know how you are doing.