Hi, My mom is 99 refuses help and lives alone. I visit and have neighbors visit everyday. The last few days she has fallen twice two big knots and scrapes on her forehead and two black eyes. So hard to see her this way. Won't go to the ER or a doctor to have it looked at. Says she is not in pain. Does not want to hear talk of nursing home. Thanks.
Will she allow you to go with her to her own doctor for a visit? Does she have a Healthcare Power of Attorney? Can you convince her to go on the premise that there is some requirement that she get a checkup for her insurance? Some family members use clever ways to get their family members to the doctor. You can provide her doctor a letter addressing your concerns in advance so he can properly evaluate her condition. She might have some infection or condition that can be treated. And if she's a danger to live alone, if the doctor can explain that to her, it may carry more weight than you doing it.
Eventually, if she continues, she will fall and receive more serious injuries, likely fractures. When that happens, I would call 911. They will take her to the hospital, treat her and then explain that no one is in her home to care for her and they will have to make arrangements for her care, such as Rehab and then to a long term care facility.
It would be nice if seniors would listen and take action before they fall and have a serious injury that may require surgery, but often they just will not listen or entertain the idea of assisted living. Best of luck with your mom.
My Mom was very similar, quite stubborn. She felt she and my Dad [also was in his 90's] could manage on their own. Even a trip to the ER didn't change her mind. I had hired Caregivers to help her once she got back home, but she shooed them out of the house.
Sadly it took a really bad fall and my Mom was in long-term-care where she spent her final three months :(
Many elders who are in their 90's think that Assisted Living/Continuing Care type places are asylums. So it is difficult to even talk to an elder about looking at such places, many of which are like living in a really nice hotel.
As for bringing in a regular Caregiver.... good luck. Maybe others here will have some ideas.
Our parent(s) want to hold onto every sliver of independence as they can. Got to admit, being 99 and still doing her own cooking, and other housework is impressive.
What worries me about your Mom is that she is limiting her water intake, and that can cause dehydration, which can contribute to feeling faint, thus more falling. It's like a catch-22 situation. My Dad is in such a catch-22, sometimes he can't reach the bathroom in time, yet doesn't want to mess up his Depends... so his brilliant idea was to drink less fluids. Oops, he fell, went to the ER, he was dehydrated.
The "way" I make her is: I fill up a glass of WATER (She abhors) with Crystal Light or similar non sugary stuff. Mom has Sjögren's Syndrome (Xerostomia)=Dry mouth, dry eyes, dry EVERYTHING!!!
Ok, so we have been told by all the MD's: Have your mom drink more waterrrrr!!!!!
I do fill up the glass, flavor it, and leave it where she likes to sit and watch TV. So, she walks by, and drinks a little, or a lot, or... when it is empty, I fill it up again. I believe she thinks is a new glass... and repeat.
She has water phobia.......H2O phobia. But I tell her: "IF you don't drink enough mom, the doctor is going to get extremely mad at me." And she drinks.
SIGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! M88
Would she wear an alert button so that she could press it for help if she falls? She would need to wear it all the time. I would suggest a electronic lift for the stairs, but those things look dangerous to me. Without proper supervision, I'd be scared of it.
Her falls may be due to dehydration and the dehydration due to her avoiding fluids. Not good. Short of a portable toilet, so she doesn't have to go up the stairs, I'm not sure what I would do. I would probably beg her to go to Assisted Living BEFORE she breaks something.
There seems to be some reason seniors who fall refuse to take the first falls as a warning. I know so many who fall a couple of times, refuse to take heed and then bam....they fall and fracture the hip. That starts the downward spiral. They often don't recover from that.
in the grand scheme of things a year or two of your life to go stay with her would do you more good than harm , imo .. i did it for 6 yrs and it was excruciating at times but its over and im back in my home none the worst for wear . now I think about aging and i see the appeal to remain in ones own habitat .
not tryin to guilt trip you or anyone , i just understand if your mom bars the door and refuses interference .
As soon as my Dad moved into Independent Living, and noticed the facility offered a life alert type pendent at a one time charge, he quickly took it. Couple weeks ago he fell in the bathroom and wasn't able to get up as he got wedge between the sink and the toilet... he was so glad he had that pendent.