Drinking is a disease in my family. I had to address it personally a number of years ago but both my brothers drink heavily still and my father did (and fell) until i got him in ALF. Last time my brother came, dad had bottles hidden in his drawers when he left I confronted my brother but he said it wasn't him. i had a caregiver (who i terminated for lots of reasons) that very well might have done it, but it was still suspicious. I want so much to have a few days off, but when dad gets alcohol, he takes steps back. My nephew is coming with him, but i don't know his drinking status, although when we were close, he stayed away from alcohol. What should i do? I can talk to him, but really, talking to an alcoholic in denial is like talking to a fish. Advice?
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Go. Have a good time. "Let go and let God."
Now that I've gotten my two cents out of the way, don't worry about the guys while you're gone. You can't control someone's behavior and it will ruin your time away if you're worried about this the whole time. My dad had a drinking problem and he had certain people who were triggers. If it were me I'd get away and have a wonderful, peaceful time NOT worrying about my dad.
You are in control of yourself. The other 90% of the time you are there for your father and do the very best you can. Advice from one whom has just gotten over caregiver burnout. "Take care of yourself"
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If you feel like spending any more time on it, you could show your brother a picture of what happens to your dad when he falls. Because it's just not funny any more. I appreciate (and smiled at) what you say about trying to talk to him, so maybe stark images would make more of an impression than words.
It's a matter of tackling the positive good intention. Your brother doesn't give your father beer because he thinks it's bad for him. He gives it to him because they both like it and he refuses to see that anything has changed. He doesn't see the harm. So show him the harm.
That may not stop him, of course. Denial is a powerful thing.
When you're away, you can't control what's going on with your brother & father. You certainly aren't going to stop your brother from drinking.
So, what's the big deal? If your father ties one on, you're not going to be there anyway & he'll be sobered up by the time you get back. If he's in ALF, there are people there that can assist him. Don't worry about it. Go away, have some fun, relax & re-group----don't obsess over your father's drinking. Remember----he's an adult & can do whatever he wants to do.
And you can't expect your nephew to step in and put a stop to it.
The best you can do is take care of yourself, and enjoy your time away.
i havent had a drink in three weewks but after reading that allknowing sack of drivel im ready to get hammered .
Its too bad you couldn't make some kind of similar arrangement with the ALF where your father is. But if he has a drinking problem as you say a wee bit probably would not suffice and I guess you can't reason with your brother.
I'm sorry for your problem. Good Luck!!
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