Hi, I am the sole caregiver for my mother who is suffering from dementia, vision loss due to macular degeneration and hearing loss. I relocated 7 months ago in order to accommodate my mom at home with me. She exhibits so many of the symptoms I’ve read about in this forum, repeated stories, repeated questions….constantly and sundowners. Luckily she can dress with a minimum of help and only needs help with the shower. But, cannot do anything else for herself. I haven’t been able to find trustworthy in home help and mom cannot be trusted to be left alone even for a short time. So, I am with her 24/7. I am engaged and my fiancé is patient, but he wants to get on with our life. I have also given up my job and my social activities. I guess the answer to my question is different for each of us, but I’m struggling between guilt at the thought of placing her or the isolation and frustration I am having with the rest of my life or at least a portion of it on hold. I’m so happy for this forum. It felt good just to write this all down. Thank you.
Can she afford an assisted living facility?
This is one of the hardest decisions to make. And all the "what ifs" that go along with this future change. Yes, it sounds like your Mom now needs a village to help her and Assisted Living [if she can budget that] or a skilled nursing facility [using Medicaid] would be the right choice. Unless your Mom can budget for around the clock caregivers at home but that can be extremely costly.
Yes, each case is different. My Dad was ready to pack and move once my Mom had passed. And he loved the senior living facility the moment we drove up the driveway. It resembled a Victorian hotel which Dad really liked. We had lunch there as part of the tour, and Dad really enjoyed the food. He couldn't wait to move in. I know my case is not the norm. If the tables were turned and this was my Mom, I probably would be the one selling my own house and moving into that senior facility !!
Mom has lived with me in the new house for only seven months, but I had taken a leave of absence from my job 2 years ago in order to do her eyedrops, provide meals, pay bills, all the housekeeping chores and stay overnight once the sundowners presented.
Again, thank you! I am exhausted, but wow, it was so good to talk to people that understand.
And if you don’t already have POA now is the time for that.
Good luck. You are a good daughter.