I have been taking care of my Mom for the last 10 years. I am beyond burned out. She has quite the challenging personality. For the last 39 years she has had dogs that were not potty trained in the house. Three years ago, she adopted a dog that is now well over 100 lbs. My mom has severe balance issues and this dog has almost knocked her over several times. In addition to cleaning up after her. I am beyond disgusted by her hoarding and dog issues. I am in the process of finding a new home for my Mom’s dog. My Mom claims to need the dog for companionship but she can no longer properly care for a dog and this dog is neglected and yelled at because she pees and poops inside the house. My Mom physically can’t let her out anymore. My Mom is pretty much one fall away from a nursing home. I am actively seeking a home for the dog but have to deal with it in the meantime. To complicate matters, my mom refuses to get any of her papers in order so when she does pass or go into a nursing home, it is going to be complete chaos. My Mom could easily be diagnosed as having a narcissistic personality disorder. I have put my life on hold for the last 10 years and I feel like I need to take back my life now. My mom lives with my brother who is also a hoarder and is financially dependent on her. I can’t wait until this nightmare is over but what can I do in the meantime?
But I did want to give you a big pat on the back for doing the right thing where this poor animal is concerned.
Dogs are such wonderful creatures. They give unconditional love and loyalty to their humans even when they are being mistreated. It breaks my heart that he/she is being yelled at for something that isn’t it’s fault.
Not to mention the lack of exercise and becoming overweight... it’s not right. The poor thing doesn’t want to be like this and if he/she is “misbehaving” it’s because that’s what it’s human has “taught”’it to do.
But you know all this. Look into rescue organizations if you can’t find a new home quickly. Even a “no kill” shelter would likely be a better situation. They’d get him/ her to a vet and start working on a safe weight loss method to get him/her healthy again and a better candidate for a new forever home. I will worn you - a “no kill” shelter will have a fee for taking him/her in. Take it from your mothers funds. If she won’t come up with the money - pay for it yourself and then figure out a way to get reimbursed by your mom.
Thank you for recognizing this is what’s best for the dog. I wish I had an idea on your other problems with your mother and brother.
Since mom lives with ur brother, I think you hav2 accept that they are doing stupid things & u can't make them do any differently.
The 'system' will take over eventually, & you can find out your options then. (Just be sure you NEVER obligate urself to pay mom's bills for ANYTHING!) It may 'feel' right, but it's wrong wrong wrong. Ur brother wud prob love 2 dump on you financially, so don't let it happen.
You can't fix this so let it go. Once mom falls and has a serious issue as a result, she'll be forced into a Skilled Nursing Facility. I'm really sorry you have been going through this terrible situation for the past 10 years, with no end in sight. Sigh. It's all too much, isn't it? Sending you a hug and a prayer that things straighten out soon.
The only way to let go of automatic emotional responses, such as disgust, anger and guilt, is to treat these emotions with compassion, accepting them for what they are and therefore changing the relationship we have with that past experience and/or trauma.
Treat yourself with the love and compassion you deserve, know that what you feel is a valid response given the circumstances, and that it is hard enough for you to deal with this current situation without adding to yourself further insult and injury in the form of negative emotion which only serve to weaken you further.
And you feel guilty for what exactly???
Your mother lives with your brother. Let them sort things out.
I don't hate the cat and I do a lot for him and the one she’s had all along but this cat has asthma. She’s spent about $1,000 to determine that he needs to take a big pill twice a day FOR THE REST OF HIS LIFE AND EXPECTS ME TO DO IT!
I can’t get that pill down him. I crush it up and give in a syringe and have battle scars to prove it. Right after that he’s hacking and spitting and throwing up. The vet has no other options for us. She threatens to put the cat asleep. Oh well...
I’m saying I feel for you.
As as far as stepping back, remember there’s lots of ways to help care for your mother without having to be hands on. There’s plenty of people who are not suited to be caregivers (not saying it’s you) but they can still be helpful.
As they say: it takes a village sometimes.
Good luck,
Charlotte
Do you have a POA for your mother, or does anyone else? Take a strong line once the dog is out of the equation, get all the paperwork out, and make yourself, your brother and your mother go through it. That is what is going to happen anyway as your mother's health deteriorates, and the sooner the paper work is in order, the better. Stop pussyfooting around, and make common sense decisions actually happen. If mother and brother object, what are they going to do? Just ignore the objections. Best wishes.