My mother has dementia. I am single and living with her. My brother stopped speaking to her (and me) several years ago so I am the sole caregiver. Sometimes she knows she is confused and gets upset because "things aren't right in her head." Tonight she said that she feels like she doesn't have a purpose. I now realize that by doing things for her is contributing to that, but she can't remember how to do things, can't find things, etc. I'm trying to think of meaningful activities for her to do. Does anyone have any suggestions? We live in a small town and do not have any day-care services available.
She doesn’t go on and on about it but I know she misses my dad. My dad showed my mom how much she meant to him. She showed him. Not in a superficial way, sugary words, but in daily living, being there for one another where it truly matters. I matter as a daughter to mom but I could never be the same as my father was to her. He was her special someone.
My mom isn’t able to do chores or things but I will ask her for her opinion on something. Everyone wants to feel respected and needed.
The other sad thing older people say, is when my mom has said, “People forget about us old folks.” That one hurts too.
Moms also like to sing and people with dementia, for the most part, remember most of the words.
Moms also like to play cards and for some reason, never forget how to play.
Also, going through old photo albums is a good past time. They can remember stories you may never have heard of.
Good luck! She may surprise you!
Best wishes for helping your mom find her purpose in life.
You have great ideas. 😊
Any thing she is physically able to do, she can do with your patient guidance. So important for them to feel purposeful. Especially if they feel they are helping and contributing.
It is good that you care. May God bless!
When I worked in the Alzheimers' unit, a lot of our folks enjoyed putting together puzzles -- not the 1000-piece kind! -- the kind sold for the age 2-5 set, a wood frame and 6-15 wood pieces that fit inside it. We never called it 'playing with puzzles' or even 'puzzle time.' We called it 'could you help me put these away?' after we dumped the pieces in a pile.
Folding laundry is great, but if she can't manage clothing, have her 'help' you fold the laundry by folding towels or napkins. They can be the same ones she folded yesterday, as long as she feels like she's 'helping'.
Also, people with dementia often still like the same hobbies they used to like, they just can't follow through. But they can still do a part. The person who used to paint in watercolors might enjoy a brush, a piece of paper, and plain water. The person who used to garden might enjoy digging holes in the dirt, or 'weeding' a patch of grass. The person who used to embroider might enjoy a craft project with a small piece of plastic grid, some yarn, and a blunt plastic needle.
She loved going to the movies and watching the news on television. We would discuss afterward.
She loved polishing and dusting furniture. Her help with the laundry was invaluable. She liked tedious small -scale cleaning, like scrubbing grout with a toothbrush.
She responded beautifully to praise and gratitude. It changed her whole disposition.
Playing with and watching pets was one of her favorites.
My my siblings were also a huge disappointment. I’m not quite sure how they can live with themselves. Often, their concocted stories (about why they couldn’t come) would take longer than a visit.
I told her her how she was now the matriarch of the family, we needed her to be our queen.
Mentally, she is always much sharper on days when she is active.
Try something simple, like folding laundry. That may also give her a sense of purpose. I've also asked Mom to straighten out disorganized drawers in the kitchen. You'll have to try to judge what activities she's going to be able to do without too much frustration. But I think the key is that it makes her feel as if she's contributing to the household.
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