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Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
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Within the terribly tragic set of circumstances that you and he are dealing with now, I think your very best course of action would be to stand up as soon as he enters this line of discussion, say “I love you with my whole heart, and I’ll be back soon”, and then immediately leave.
If you can convince yourself that there is no “good” way of managing his painful behavior EXCEPT possibly, your absence as his audience, doing this MAY help.
If the complexities of his physical issues allow, it may be helpful to have his case considered by a geriatric neuropsychiatrist. At very least, YOU will have the peace of knowing that you’ve done all you could.
PLEASE be as good to yourself as you can, and keep in mind (if you can), that this very difficult behavior is NOT within his control.
You respond by not giving any attention to his nonsense. When people give any explanation because it will only feed the nonsense and it makes it stronger. Then often it escalates into a fight and the caregiver then realizes that they're going back and forth with an mentally incompetent fool who likely doesn't know what day it is. Your only respose when he accuses you of affairs it to tell him simply:
'That is not true'.
Then completely ignore the topic after that. When he brings it up you tell him, 'that is not true' then let it go and do not answer again.
We call it a "broken brain" on this forum. His brain is dying little by little. Hope this is just a stage. But know its very common for one spouse to accuse another spouse of having affairs. Just like a lot of people suffering from a Dementia want to go home. And its not always they home lived last, it could be their childhood home.
You have to remind yourself that its the desease talking. Its causes paranoia. If you visit everyday, you don't have to. You stay for hours, you don't have to. His days are running into each other. He may not even remember you being there. Time is different for them. So if him accusing you everyday is getting to you, step back. If you being there seems to upset you, step back.
My Daddy accused me of not being a good daughter. She is the worst daughter ever! He would tell people in the doctor offices! I laugh now because in a way its funny but let me tell you it wasn't when it was happening! The way I dealt with it at the time -- I ignored it. I just continued to do what needed to be done to make and keep him safe. I continued to take him to the doctor appointments and just accepted what was happening. If people looked at me when he said those things I just rolled my eyes. People would nod with an understanding look and I knew they had sympathy for me. I would just say... love him and know that it is the sickness that is talking. He married you when he was well and in his right mind. Now just love him.
You have to respond as others have suggested by saying it's not true. But he'll keep saying it and you'll keep telling him over and over again. Sorry, but this is how the disease works. You can only hope he gets caught in another loop about another subject. I sometimes think that they feel a need to say something, and their worst fear is all they can think of.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
If you can convince yourself that there is no “good” way of managing his painful behavior EXCEPT possibly, your absence as his audience, doing this MAY help.
If the complexities of his physical issues allow, it may be helpful to have his case considered by a geriatric neuropsychiatrist. At very least, YOU will have the peace of knowing that you’ve done all you could.
PLEASE be as good to yourself as you can, and keep in mind (if you can), that this very difficult behavior is NOT within his control.
Hopes for a peaceful solution……
Your only respose when he accuses you of affairs it to tell him simply:
'That is not true'.
Then completely ignore the topic after that. When he brings it up you tell him, 'that is not true' then let it go and do not answer again.
We call it a "broken brain" on this forum. His brain is dying little by little. Hope this is just a stage. But know its very common for one spouse to accuse another spouse of having affairs. Just like a lot of people suffering from a Dementia want to go home. And its not always they home lived last, it could be their childhood home.
You have to remind yourself that its the desease talking. Its causes paranoia. If you visit everyday, you don't have to. You stay for hours, you don't have to. His days are running into each other. He may not even remember you being there. Time is different for them. So if him accusing you everyday is getting to you, step back.
If you being there seems to upset you, step back.