My 84 yo aunt has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's dementia and has terrible short-term memory loss coupled with severe depression which isn't controlled by meds (we're trying but haven't found the "magic pill" yet). Interestingly although she can't remember anything from her day, she can still have a very cognizant conversation about how she feels and what she can or cannot remember. She can knock out the NYTimes crossword puzzle in no time flat — if we can rouse her from her apathy. And there is the rub. She is so depressed all she talks about is wanting to die (she's not actually suicidal), life not worth living because she has dementia, etc.
I have been trying to call her daily, but I don't know how to structure the conversation — I can't ask her about her day because she doesn't remember any of it, and is just makes her depressed to be asked any question. Since I work at home all day I don't have any "news" for her. Should I give up on the daily phone calls? She doesn't really seem to be interested in them but I don't want her to feel abandoned.
For some that is their previous work, some it is their animals and others it is family from long ago. I love hearing old pioneering stories and getting into all of the innovative changes seen. Of course you have to learn to be engaging when you are hearing the same thing for the 3rd or 5th or 20th time. I think it is really about helping them feel joy or contentment in the moment, because they only have that with this awful disease.
Good luck finding a way to create positive interactions.
You can keep the calls fairly short. Give yourself 5 minutes before the call to find something to talk about. A new recipe you are going to try. Whether or not you should paint the front door. How the grandkids are doing if they are back to school. The birds you see outside your window. A fond memory.
I love your comment about the cross word. I had an elderly neighbour who had vascular dementia after a stroke. Although she could no longer tell the difference between genders, she continues to play a good game of bridge.