He is probably mid level vascular dementia, has a good personality and pretty positive attitude. But my mom is worn out and there is an opening at the assisted living home. Any words of wisdom would be appreciated. Please pray for my family as we go through this process. Thank you.
I'd give your father a tour of the place (we did this with my mom). I'd then sit down and tell him the truth. Something like: Dad, we love you and want you to have best care for your growing needs. We are unable to give you what you need and think it is best to have you move into an ALF. We'll make your room homey, including some of your favorite possessions and things that will remind you of home (bedding, pictures, furniture, fav chair, etc). We want you to be comfortable and know that it is because we love you we are doing this.
God bless you. I know it is tough. One thing I recommend for all loved ones in assisted living - You must still advocate for them as sometimes you can be deceived by all the bells and whistles.
Personally, my life is complicated enough for me to do this much longer. The anger & frustration my Mom has, and taking it out on me, is too much for me to handle. And there is no one else who would do it or trust to do it. So, I believe around the New Year, she will need to be placed, both for her safety and my sanity. I'm not happy about it, but she is unable to do the things she used to do.
Acknowledge your loved one’s feelings of loss. Even in the best of situations—where your loved one willingly chose assisted living—grief and feelings of loss are to be expected. Leaving one’s home is a huge upheaval. Don’t minimize their feelings or focus excessively on the positive. Sympathize and respect feelings of loss and give them time to adjust.
Call and visit as often as you can. Regular contact from friends and family will reassure your loved one that they’re still loved and cared for. Continue to include your loved one in family outings and events whenever possible. If your loved one lives far away, regular calls or emails can make a big difference.
Work through concerns together. While your loved one will likely go through a period of adjustment after moving into an assisted living facility, don’t automatically assume that complaints are just part of the transition process. If your loved one has concerns, take them seriously. Talk about what steps you can take together to resolve the issue. And if the problem turns out to be a big one with no apparent solution, be prepared to look at other facilities.
Help your loved one personalize their living space. Help your loved one choose and bring over the meaningful possessions and decorations that will give the new living space the feeling of home. But be careful not to take over. Let your loved one take the lead. He or she is going to be the one living there, after all.
Be advised that you cannot force your dad, though and there is a lot of paper work to do. The way that people talked, it sounded like you could just walk in and register. It was much more than that, and if he doesn't sign himself in, you would need conservatorship to force him.
I took care of my mother, who had dementia, for 4 years. The only way I survived was because we had great friends who provided respite care so that we could go on vacation 2 to 3 times a year. If you don't have family or friends to provide this care so that your mother can take a break, look for resources at the County level. Even if you, or your parents, have to pay for the respite care, it will be cheaper than an assisted living facility. The caregiver has to take care of themselves first to be able to care for another. Your hardest task may be to convince your mom that she deserves a break and that it's OK for her to ask for help in her own home.
My heart goes out to you....
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