My 85 yr old father has been admitted to rehab every two years since 2015.
The first was after a stroke and the others for falls. He has resided with me after the fall prior to this current one. Almost two years to be exact.
Although He is well aware of his limitations and medical devices are in place to assist as well as family.
Falls still occur because he is stubborn and or wanting not to be a burden.
My question is how do you ask your sibling, who resides nine hours away to assist you in caring for our father?
What I would like to happen is for my sibling to take on some of the responsibility of caring for our dad in their home.
I am torn ,because a year ago their spouse passed.
Prior to that many years were spent being the spouse caregiver. As well as how traveling would affect our father.
My sibling would get to spend whatever time my dad has left caring for him.
My sibling hasn't seen our father in almost six years mainly due to what I mentioned prior.
In addition to my sibling, other family is close by such as adult grandchildren and adult great grandchildren.
You know how tough it is to be a caregiver. I am sure that you are aware that your sibling isn’t going to volunteer to help. You don’t have a right to expect help from them. Yes, it stinks doing it alone. I did it alone too. Let it go.
Hire a caregiver with your parent’s money or look into placement for them.
I know that my answer is short and simple but nothing more needs to be said.
Best wishes to you and your family.
After caring for my Mom for 2 years in my home, then an AL, then LTC, I said at the age of 68 I was not physically caring for anyone else unless it was my spouse.
Like said, OP can ask but don't be surprised when the answer is No. I think if things are getting to much, then place Dad. It isn't fair that one child has to take on all the care. But, its rare that a family all pitch in.
I think that it is time to recognize that you are close to your limitations. At 79 I can guarantee you that your father is not falling because he is stubborn, but because his balance is poor, and he is more infirm. Would you want him to call you for every single move he makes? Would that not increase your burdens exponentially? The truth is that this is not going to change nor get better as well.
Placement may be the only answer. I am not saying it is a good answer, because you are well out of range now of any "fix its" that will make everything "good". The end of life, the stages of it, are not happy times. You have done your best; do consider now how much more time you can sacrifice of your own life going forward. Your Dad has HAD his own life. This is your one and only.
I wish you luck in making decisions going forward. If you think you could benefit from a bit of counseling to comb through your choices then do consider a Licensed Social Worker specially trained in life transition work. A few hours can often be of great value in acceptance and planning.
You sound like this is a privilege. I think your sibling is well aware what is involved in caring for someone. I think they need to be able to get their life together before taking on caring for someone else who could live another 10 years. I don't think grandchildren should be expected to care for a grandparent either when a child/children are available.
Ask your sibling to come and care for Dad while you go on vacation, no problem.
Try Adult Daycare using Dad's money. I had my Mom in 3 days a week. They supplied transportation, breakfast and lunch. Even bathed her for me.
If he has money, maybe he would enjoy living in an Assisted Living. He would have socialization and activities and not be a "burden".
Hire someone, with Dads money, for a few hours a week or day so you can get away.
I really understand where ur coming from. But at this point it looks like your it. And many of the members are in the same boat ur.
I would be honest and tell him/her that it is just more then you can handle and you want their help in convincing dad to go into a facility.
That is the only help I would ask for.
I think it's time you have a candid discussion with your sibling about your father's longterm care needs. What is your sibling willing to do? You may not like the answer if it's anything short of agreeing to give you respite from being his full-time caregiver.
His needs are only going to increase. Better to figure out a plan now before you burnout. What can your father afford? Is there a senior living community nearby where he can live?
I suggest you make a list of all the things you are doing for your Dad. Then go through the list and decide which items your sibling might be able to do long distance. Call sib answer ask him/her for help, read the list and ask which tasks he/she is willing to do. And be ready with specifics about what you expect and need.
With her experience of taking care of her husband until his death, she has experience with all of this and may have some suggestions for dads care. She will certainly understand your burnout.
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