I’ve been full time caregiver to my 97 yr old dad for 7 months. I have moved out of state to move in with him. I fully expected to get a p/t job here but he has has one medical issue after another. I finally had to get a job to pay my bills but I am stressed beyond belief leaving him alone for 5-6 hrs. He is mentally pretty good and pretty mobile but when it comes to safety the switch is off. I’m afraid I’ll come home to find him on the roof to fix a leak... He thinks he is still 50. Caregiving alone exhausts me, now I have to work a physical job on top of that. I have no social life. We have applied for aid and attendance to either pay me or respite care, praying that comes through for us. So... how do you all, do it all???
Take care of yourself PLEASE!!!!!
He doesn’t have much but it’s too much to qualify for Medicaid and not enough to get him into a quality AL. I keep saying “ at 97 it’s not forever” plus I probably have a bit of guilt having not being available much last year when we lost my mom unexpectedly. He is a sweet man and grateful for all I do, but... I do wish my 3 sibs would step up to the plate once in a while. AND my most absent brother is willed to get all the most valuable possessions! Ugh
Otbeno, go to Greece with your son!! What a fantastic experience/ memory to share with him, and you can never get that time back. Make it work anyway you can! I spent 4 days with my son in NYC at Christmas, we has soo much fun. I agree, I don’t know how to take time for myself. I haven’t even gotten a hair cut in 7 months!
We pay for the rest. It all helps but I can’t say it the golden ticket. I am currently painfully deliberating about a trip I was invited on in Greece. I’m not rich or well off, but I could swing it BARELY, before going back to work. The only reason I’m even considering it is that my 22 year old is going on a one way ticket and I probably won’t see him again for a couple of years...and he will never be the same (growth is a good thing)...what an experience to have with your child.
Then the whole caregiving work and responsibility crashes in on me. I’m told by every other caregiver that you MUST take time for yourself. I just don’t know what that looks like.
I send you lots of light to find a resolution for your situation. GOOD LUCK!!
Check with your local department of aging. They do have volunteers that can come to the house for about 4 hours. Where I live, the local office will also provide a stipend for caregivers ($250 per year). It can go to a day of respite or personal care supplies.
You can also check on adult daycare centers. They may provide transportation.
Check your local Medicaid office to see if you dad qualifies. I am trying to figure out that piece for my Mom. In the state of Maryland, Mom's assets have to be down to $2200. (Her house would exempt at this point.) For a Medicaid waiver -- which would allow Mom to continue to stay in her home after her assets are paid down -- there is an 8-year wait list. Stranger things have happened, but at 94, I don't think Mom will be around then... So, that is out for me....
If your dad qualifies for in-home hospice, the services they provide are limited (aides come 1 hour a few times per week). They do have volunteers, but they cannot provide personal care. In-home hospice would be covered 100% by Medicare.
Of course, all of this is what I have found out for my State. It could be different for you. But, to ease your mind while you are at work, maybe a volunteer would be a good option.
8 years now here.
It is the most difficult thing I have ever done in my life. The right thing always is.
Praying for you, I know it is SO hard. I would do it again in a heartbeat though. I so miss my mom!
I know what you are talking about and it is not easy. My only social life was work and now that is gone too.
Have you talked to the local Veteran Service Officer or anyone in the county unit on aging?
A 24/7 caregiver is almost an oxymoron. I was one and some days I felt like I was just an idiot for even trying to do it all. But I was an idiot madly in love with my DH and I was thankful to be able to be a 24/7 caregiver as there was just no one else available to assist me.
There will be no social life unless you make time and room for yourself in this mix. Since my DH was my social life, while I felt isolated - I was isolated with the love of my life. Had he lived longer, I would gladly still be attending to him.
He should be eligible for some aid & assistance and possibly you can even get paid (I couldn't get anything as the spouse) - if he was a veteran, the VA should be able to offer advice and possibly some help.
Praying for you and your sanity.
Would you be able to get a companion for him during the day, maybe a neighbor, a volunteer or a paid caregiver? Or perhaps he can join a community group where other members can look out for him? Of course, it's easier said than done. My dad is pretty mobile too, but very reliant on me for companionship. But I am learning that I need to build a support system around me -- companions for him, specialists I can talk to, etc. -- so that I can "delegate" some tasks and have some breathing space. I'm in this process now, so good luck to both of us!
I also installed a security camera that enables me to view what's happening at home through my cellphone. It's not an expensive one, just a small portable one (just like a baby monitor) which I place in the living room where Dad usually is. When I call home and no one answers, at least I have the facility to view what's happening at home and stop panicking.
Totally understand the exhaustion. What's helped me thus far is the planning process as far as trying to make some alternative care arrangements so that my mom can have good care, but so I can still have a life too. It's most definitely easier said than done, and we haven't gotten there yet, but just having the goal that we're working towards little by little helps me to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Hugs to you, I know it is not easy.