I believe mymom has the start of dementia. In January, my brothers came over to discuss her issues and included her in the meeting. My brother asked was going on. For example, I told them I saw her putting a dish in the microwave trimmed in gold. I explained to her she could not do that. The very next day, I saw her pulling the dish out. When my brother asked to hear her side of the story she said she knew but it was too late to get a nother dish. Which makes no sense---just stopped the micowave. I had to quit my job to raise 2 grandchildren so I am home except to go to the store. It is at this time she will take a shower. I had gone to a baseball game in Chicago and taken the children with me. While at the game I get a call from my aunt that my my had fallen and know is not answering the phone. When I brought this up with my brothers they said she could call at anytime. I explained she won't. She won't take a phone with her when she showers , she won't get life alert. My brothers said they would get it for her. She said no and then later agreed. They asked if she would use it and she said she would hang it on the door. She has burned food while standing in front of it, left the gas on, etc. I told them that I can't take much more of this that I have had her for 16 years. My mom also like to control people. I am a widow of 13 years and any time I tried to have a relationship she chased them away. My brothers reponse was that mom has helped me and my daughters and it is my job. He left and has not talked to me since. This is her favorite son who doesn't even call (as long as she has been living with me). He only comes here when there is a family function. My brother said they were all mistakes. She also discuss all my business with my aunt. When I correct her on something she won't talk to me or come down to the kitchen. She lived on Ensure and sent the little one to get it for her. Then she makes the comment to them that "this is what I have to have for supper". Why does she do this? I can go on and on but I hope you get the drift. Between raising the girls and mom I am physically and mentally drained.
Do you live in mom's house or she in yours?
I would get her to a geriatric Psychiatrist so that her anxiety and depression can be treated.
I would call the Area Agency on Aging and get a needs assessment so you know what level of care she needs.
I would also fond out about eviction procedures.
She is a drain on your mental and physical health. I can see no reason that you should continue to accept this subtle but damaging passive aggressive abuse.
If she is already telling everyone how badly you treat her, I see no harm in showing her the door.