In the last 3 months my mother in law was diagnosed with dementia and stage 4 brain cancer and stage 4 lung cancer. She had a major stroke ten years ago and it left her wheelchair bound. She is quickly going down hill. Not sure exactly how much is dementia and how much is the brain cancer but she is so mean and hurtful to me and my husband. She accuses my husband of killing his two brothers ( he only has one brother) she berates us both constantly with every mean thing you could ever think of. Before all the recent health issues she was such a sweet kind person which makes all this even worse. I can see my husbands heart break every day. Any suggestions on how to handle this?
Wishing you the best of luck with a difficult situation.
Has she been evaluated for hospice? She may not need it yet but it'll give you time to do a little research.
Find out what the Psychiatrist can do. If the testing for cancer shows its not curable, I would call in Hospice. Yes, family still does most of the work. But you get an aide to bath her. A Nurse will check in every few days. She will get morphine to help with any pain. You can get respite for a few days.
He was on a morphine pump so I knew logically, he didn’t mean it.
I would walk outside, sit down on the parking lot curb, and bawl.
Its not easy, it still hurts our hearts, but their “social filter,” is gone.
My father was twice as awful.
I hope I don’t leave my life, mean. 😇
Best to focus on COMPASSION and do this 'mind training' when not around MIL. To be ready to separate 'who she was and how her brain and body is now.
* Be ready to feel sadness, pain, hurt.
- Prepare ahead of time how to shift (compassion)
- Take a break - a walk for a couple of minutes - anything to interrupt the interactions if momentarily.
* Exercise - get the feelings out in healthy ways.
* Role play to deal with it before it is in real time.
* Agree with her - all the time. Do not set up ANY situation where there is arguing or correcting her. "I know how you feel" . . . "I wish I had a magic wand" . . . "I love you."
It hurts and moving through grief is the only way to move forward and not get stuck in the pain. It is not easy and my heart goes out to both of you.
NEVER FORGET. It is the changing brain 'talking' not the MIL you used to know.
Touch Matters / Gena
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