I'm going to bullet point my questions, so it's easier on everyone. Both parents in a locked memory unit, with varying degrees of dementia. *How do you explain that they have no $ left *How do you tell them you are having to sell the home? *what do you say when they come to your house for Easter dinner and they see some of their furniture? That you knew your mother would never want out of the family, so you brought it home. *How do you tell them they are in the nursing home forever, and will not return home (they have it in their head that it is only for 2 years, bc they read the initial diagnosis and at the bottom it said, "re-evaluate in 2 years". I am bombarded by constant questions and requests... I had to turn off their cell phones bc of the constant calling of friends and family, who have requested that they quit calling them. *they are free to call me anytime from the nurses station.
As for Easter dinner, when my Dad was in Memory Care, the facility had a fantastic Easter dinner, much better than what I could have done, so I made reservations for myself so I could eat with Dad.
Also, she might not remember the furniture, but, can you put a tablecloth over it, when she visits? Or, you could say you are storing some items while the floors were being cleaned.
I may look into the Easter meal at the facility, thank you for that idea!
The hardest thing isn't trying to explain things to them, it's trying to understand their disease. We are treating them (and expecting the same behavior from them) as we always have. It took me many months to realize my mother won't ever be back.
I thought if I said it enough times or explained it differently, she would "snap back". Nope, that part is gone for good. 😢 I had to learn a new way to communicate with her (see suggestions above).
Instead of them joining your reality, you now have to join theirs.
At this point you should be doing a lot of reading on dementia (especially whatever type they have-Alzheimer's, vascular, Parkinson's, etc.) to familiarize yourself with common behaviors and the next stages.
How do you answer them? With whatever works. You will get the hang of therapeutic fibs, stalling, redirection and the like. It feels strange to treat our parents this way but they can no longer cope with reality. The main goal is to keep them calm and happy. Their brains are broken and they can not understand like they used to. Give them what they can work with that won't overload their limited capacity.
I'm sorry for you and your folks. It's a hard transition but one that has to be made.
This stage will give way to another level with other confusing behaviors and actions.
It's best to be informed and supported. That's why we're all here.
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