How do you get someone who adamantly refuses to go to a doctor medical tests & care?

What makes you think she had a mini stroke? What symptoms is she having? Can you call 911 to bring the responders to her instead of trying to get her to the ER?

Call 911. Describe all symptoms of stroke you can come up with. The EMS will likely take your Mom if YOU and her husband ask that they do, even if she protests.

This gets you to the hospital where she can be assessed. Do not let them discharge her home without assessment. Ask that a Social Worker be called at ONCE.

IF you are still at home and EMS won't take her call APS. This is your perfect opportunity to get her to the hospital for assessment.

You can't reason with someone with dementia.

Does someone have POA for healthcare?

Are there services that have doctors that do home visits in your area?

You call EMS and later when the hospital wants to release her, you tell them she can't come home because you and dad can no longer care for her.

People who have strokes have a higher chance of having another stroke. So you could let her stay home now, and if she dies of a stroke, she dies. This isn't advisable. In fact, it's heartless.

Mom's ruling the roost, but she's no longer competent enough to be in charge. Dad's not much better. Stop the hand-wringing and be the adult! Once you call 911, that sets the process in motion.

Good luck to you.

If your mother is medically diagnosed with Dementia, someone else might be designated to make her medical decisions. If she is just being stubborn and you are assuming she must have some dementia, you cannot legally make those decisions for her. A family member of ours successfully avoided doctors for many decades until he recently suddenly coughed up lots of blood and was rushed to the hospital where he is currently dying of multiple illnesses.

Your mom may still be a little bit of sound mind.

Sadly, many people -- elderly and younger adults -- are oblivious to their own health status/condition (denial, mental illness, other????) and refuse medical care of any sort. This is so very hard for family members experiencing this and doing their darnest to get the LO to the doctor. Hugs.

As others have said, call 911 when there is any emergency related issue (a fall, severe disorientation, potential stroke, out of wack blood pressure, very low oxygen (under 90). Just call and insist they take the person to the ER, go there and fill in the ER team about what you are seeing and say your LO needs to be evaluated as an impatient as it might be "cardiac," a stroke, a UTI but that the MUST do the necessary imaging and other tests to see what is going on and a 24 hour stay inpatient is key, NOT JUST being in the ER. This is key for Medicare coverage of what happens next, "post acute care" discharge to a Rehab facility.

Work with the social workers at the hospital to say it is "NOT SAFE" for your LO to return home, she needs some temporary care (Rehab is temporary) to get back on her feet. And also make it clear that you, your family cannot take over on her care at this time, you need time to prepare and work out a safe return to home but that will take you WEEKS to do. Medicare will pay for the discharge to a REBAB facility post a 24 hour stay if you work with the MD to assure LO post hospital acute care (could be IV fluids, antibiotics, OP and PT, oxygen) insist that they discharge your LO to a REHAB facility.

There get with the best geriatric board certified MD (most facilities will have them) and tell them our concerns about cognitive decline/impairment (have clear examples of not just not remembering things but problems with processing such as not able to make a recipe they used for years, not able to balance a check book, getting scammed by "you won" calls and clear examples of behavioral issues that you see: getting days and nights mixed up, not able to manage their own Rx medications, refusal to eat/bathe, etc.) Ask for a full cognitive work up for potential dementia there. Once your LO has stabalized from any medical issues (low oxygen, IV antibiotics, anemia, UTI, etc) they can do the cognitive work up.

Hopefully you have the appropriate papers all in order (durable NON-springing financial and medical POA), an advanced directive naming someone as their "medical agent," and end of like papers (Will/Trust). Having this all done before the dementia diagnosis -- if one is made -- is key as most states (each state is different) do not allow for POAs to be signed after a dementia diagnosis.

Best to get with a licensed elder care attorney in your state to help you/your family map this out and to execute the right paperwork asap. Also that same attorney should review any paperwork you might be asked to sign when going to the Rehab facility, there are trick questions in the contract. Be sure to not sign any thing that you agree to be financially responsible or to "take them back." That sounds harsh but this puts the onus on the facility to work out what your LO really needs after the Rehab stay, what is the safe discharge thereafter becomes their responsibility. Sure you change your mind and can take them back, but do not agree to that out the outset as this is a contract with them and if you agree to take them back regardless of their condition and your ability to care for them long term, you are then stuck. There is no do over.

At the same time, start looking for high quality Rehab facilities that also have a skilled nursing home unit that is Medicare and Medicaid qualified and Memory Care too. If Medicaid may need to come into play, picking a high quality facility from the outset which has all types of "services" in one place and is Medicare and Medicaid approved prevents having to make more moves later if a permanent say is likely.

Good luck w/this, Talk w/an attorney soon.

The only answer really is to call 911.

If you call 911 mom can always refuse transport. They will ask specific questions. If she can answer they will not transport. If she can not answer they will probably transport her to the hospital.
If you think she has had a stroke then 99% probability they will transport her even if she resists.
This will be the best way to get her to see medical personnel.

The other option is to check with her insurance (I am presuming she has Medicare) and see if there is a doctor that will make house calls. She may be more willing to see a doctor while she is in her comfort zone. Lab testing can be done in that manner as well.

Several people have asked about medical power of attorney, but I wonder - does your mom have an advance directive with a DNR? If she does, read it. I was recently surprised when I reread my mothers medical POA assigning me in that role and with it was her advance directive. I had read it when we were working on it, but not being in the thick of things back then I didn't REALLY understand it except to know she did not want to be resuscitated. After several medical issues happening within a few short weeks, I went to send the document to the hospital to have on file, I reread it and realized that there was more than just the straightforward DNR - it also said that if she were diagnosed with an irreversible disease from which she would not recover (and it specifically stated Alzheimers), she did not want to pursue medical treatment but rather, wanted to be kept comfortable and allowed to die as gently as possible. I can't tell you how much clarity this gave me in advocating for my mother's care. I shared the AD with my mom's NP, who agreed that Mom wants symptom management from here on out and not medical intervention unless it is for her comfort.

Do you think it's possible that your mother simply doesn't want to be put through diagnosis and treatment for stroke? I hope she has a good advance directive so you can know what she wanted before her dementia set in. Assuming there isn't one, you've gotten great advice from others already.

Take care.

My husband refuses any medical tests or checkups. He's 81 and in Medicare. I recently got him a long term insurance plan to cover her Medicare doesn't. He has medical issues he's not addressing and it's only a matter of time before he falls down the stairs again. Last April 2922 he fell and broke his elbow and fractured his neck. He never went back to get the testing done to take the cervical collar off just decided in his own he didn't need it. He's down to one refill on meds he's on for blood pressure and cardiac issues he also has a pacemaker. Reading the persons statement about her situation I could totally relate. I have a financial poa but not a medical one and don't know how to obtain one without him seeing a doctor. I am just waiting for the next incident that will require hospital visit and hoping them he can get all the tests done he's way overdue for. I'm 66 I can't physically take care of him, he doesn't take care of himself and if he fell I couldn't lift him as lAst year I had to wait for the ambulance. So what suggestions does anyone have as to how to get him to the doctor for a checkup before an ambulance or drastic accident happens? This and for all who wrote. I'll keep up on this post as it's closest to what I'm redoing a seed to also.

When an event like stroke symptoms happen, just call an ambulance and let them take her to ER. You do most of the talking when EMS arrives especially if she is responding in a way that is not the truth or tells the whole story about what happened.

If you really think she had a stroke and you later on see things happening that are not her normal self, call EMS after the fact. Just be very detailed when you talk to them about what you are seeing.

Ambulance ER visit may be the only way to get her to go if she would fight you and hubby about getting into your personal car.

No, there is NO reasoning with a person with dementia.
Realizing this will help you emotionally and psychologically and how to proceed.

No one who 'may' have had a mini stroke should be left to their own 'decision making' because they cannot do it.

Who has POA or other legal authority?

If it were my mother, I would call an ambulance since she (possibly) had a mini stroke and get her ASAP under medical care. Once hospitalized, they can do testing. [This is 'how' my client got tested; she wouldn't see an MD and fell down and someone outside heard her screaming ... an ambulance was called).
She never went home. She was hospitalized, got medication adjusted, and was moved into a memory care unit. I've been visiting / working with her for almost two years now.
My friend (of 20+ years had a stroke and didn't want to go either. The paramedics asked me since I was his POA. I said take him. He went and was subsequently in a nursing home for a year, then had another stroke.

It is a difficult situation although DO NOT WAIT.
If you cannot make this decision, your father / her husband has to.

She can refuse all she wants. She still goes. Otherwise, what are you going to do? Allow her, a woman with dementia, to make her own decisions? No. You do not because she cannot.

Gena / Touch Matters

I agree that calling an ambulance is the best idea. However, coming from another angle, has she always resisted doctors? Did she get annual physicals? See a OB when pregnant? Did something happen in dealing with a doctor that was unpleasant? Is it the cost that concerns her? What does she say about doctors and stories about others who saw doctors and had something bad happen.? What I am getting at is fear and anxiety that makes people frightened. What is she afraid of? The diagnosis as if the diagnosis would kill her? People live in denial all the time and denial of a life ending diagnosis is the biggest. If she admits to being afrai, you can assure her that you are with her and won’t let anyone treat her badly. Assure her that there may be medications now that might help her.

Daniel4: As a stroke is deemed a medical emergency, you should call 911.

Some people don’t choose to go to doctors because they don’t want to become a lingering 95 year old.

I said this to my daddy -- "you need to see the doctor or he will not renew your prescriptions then you will die" He could not get in the car fast enough.
sometimes just lay down the law.
blessings

Call 911 and have her transported to ER. Confer with staff there and go forward with appropriate care decisions. If you think you cannot manage her care at home, ( since she is non compliant already) you can refuse to have her returned home and insist that they find facility placement for her.

She is most likely fearful of changes she is sensing with her health although unable to appropriately express, fearful of the unknown etc other emotional dynamics.

or
Call her PCP and share your observations and her lack of compliance ( to go for care). Proceed per their recommendation and your decisions on her behalf and, for your own well being.

Did you call 911?

Please let us know how your mom is doing.

No response from @Daniel4 ??

Many have suggested 911 etc. If she is admitted for a serious problem (full stroke) and needs to go to a Skilled Nursing Facility (SNF), be aware that Medicare Rules require 3 days at the hospital. Even doctors sometimes lose track of this rule (I speak from experience).
"To qualify for skilled nursing facility (SNF) extended care services coverage, Medicare patients must meet the 3-day rule before SNF admission. The 3-day rule requires the patient have a medically necessary 3-consecutive-day inpatient hospital stay, which doesn’t include the discharge day or pre-admission time spent in the emergency room (ER) or outpatient observation."
" Inpatient days are counted using the midnight-to-midnight method where a day begins at midnight and ends 24 hours later. A part of any day, including the admission day counts as a full day."
Once placed in a SNF, Medicare covers up to a 100 day stay. In order to get an additional SNF stay covered, at least 60 more days must pass before the person is admitted to a hospital for a new 3 day stay, at which point they are eligible for a new 100 day SNF stay.

OP, actually your mom might be quite with it. She might intentionally not want to see a doctor, because she’s (rightly) afraid you might use that to force her into NH.