My mother is still fairly young, she is only in her 50's. I'm 17 and my mothers primary caregiver at the moment. She has Multiple Sclerosis and it has progressed significantly within the past few years in her mobility. She is using a walker and still driving, personally I don't think she should be using either. The other day she took half an hour to go from the garage door down 5 steps and into her car with my assistance. She followed by falling in the parking lot when she got to her destination, require two large men to be extremely kind and lift her back in the car. Then take 2 hours to get up 8 steps to the front door on her behind with my assistance because her legs were gave out. This is not the first time any of those things have happened, but just not all at once. It made me come to a realization that she needs help from someone who can truly help her. Not only is it very tolling on me being only 17 years old, but I'm going to college soon. I've asked her what she plans to do if she falls and she always says she'll just wait till my father comes home at 7pm. I've followed with "what if it's in the morning" and she always just says "then I'll wait." My father hasn't bothered to talk to her about it because they have a strained relationship and it doesn't concern him. At this point I think getting a caregiver could mean a matter of life or death with how often she falls and how stubborn she is to be on her own.
Sometimes reluctant people need a little nudge. Do you have a close relative or good family friend who may be willing/able to purchase a "gift" of 1-time housecleaning, cooking or some other service that your mom may need and appreciate? I did that with my 2 aging aunts when they didn't want pre-made meals because of their preconceived notions about them, but they are 97 and 100 yrs old and cooking is now difficult for them. I bought a week's worth of frozen microwavable meals for them at Christmas and they loved it and now they regularly call and order their own. They also waved off a caretaker but I just gently kept telling them about the benefits of Visiting Angels, comparing the costs, telling them they would not only be a companion but would drive them places and do light housekeeping for as few or many hrs a wk as they needed. It took several months but they relented and now they love their Angel.
Thankfully your mom has her mental faculties, she just suffers from pride. I agree with those below who suggested you appeal to her helping YOUR peace of mind while you're away at college, hoping she'll agree to some help. I'm a total believer in the art of guilt ;-) FYI does she have a smart phone? That is just as good as an alert necklace. I make sure my 90-yr mom always has hers charged and in her pocket. She used it to call 911 once when she fell outside her home. Just make sure all your mom's pants have pockets for her to put it in.
Someone below wondered why they haven't moved to a more mobility friendly place. Your dad is checked out and maybe your mom would be overwhelmed and maybe is depressed. Can you engage a family member or close friend or church to help just do some research into that? Then you could present some options that might get their attention. Asking other relatives, neighbors and friends to check in on her would help a great deal. I've engaged my aunts' neighbors and some relatives to do this for me. Many people want to and like to help, they often just don't now how and are not asked.
You are really too young to be doing all this right before leaving for college. Definitely move out and stay out and start your own life. This in no way means you don't care. Your parents are adults and they are capable of and should be doing their own problem solving. Wishing you success!
My Dad had a professional caregiver, it was costing him $30/hour. That could come to $240 per day. That's very expensive.
Maybe your Mom can qualify for Medicaid [which is different from Medicare]. Each State handles their own State wide Medicaid, each with their own programs.
Just wondering why your parents never considered it was time to get a more user friendly house to live in. Something with just one step up to the front door. and one step up into the house from the garage. That would make life so much easier for your Mom.
As for driving, is your Mom using hand controls? That worked out great for a friend of mine who had MS. Her daughter left home for college, and later established her own life, never needing to care for her Mom. My friend's husband always had his wife's back, and would go to the ends of the earth to find things to help make life easier for her.
It’s sounding like both your parents are in major denial. Dad doesn’t want to deal with it and Mom can’t accept she needs constant help or that she’s gotten worse. I mean, “I’ll just wait for dad to help whenever he gets home” is not a plan. That answer also indicates she doesn’t think she’ll fall too often. Or that if she does fall, it’s no big deal.
I am wondering if she is also hoping you won’t leave her for college? Would she pull the “I really need you to be living here and helping me” card after a semester or two? Or is her saying “I’ll just wait for dad to help me” is her way of implying “I’ll have to wait for dad because you won’t be here”?
If you plan to go to college in a different place, for the love of God, do not allow them to suck you back in! You don’t have to read 30 seconds into this site to see people who of course love their parents, but have lost all semblance of their own lives. You’re way too young to go that route.
Maybe you can at least talk her into getting Life Alert or some sort of monitoring system to where she can get help ASAP when she falls or whatever else happens. Can even present it as “You probably won’t need it much, but can you do this one thing for me so I won’t worry?”. Frame it as not being for her helplessness; it’s just to make you feel better and help you focus more on studying than worrying. Like “Mom, just do this ONE THING for me, okay?”.