My mom has dementia and waits until bedtime to decide to roam through the house without her walker. She holds on to the wall and refuses to take the walker. In the morning she doesn't remember. When she thinks you are sleep, she pats on the bed near you or makes grunting sounds. I don't know what to do. She is still in her own home but can't stay by herself.
So for safety, maybe the installation of some handrails in the hallways (holes can always be filled in later). Making sure you have the door locked as best you can, even if you use a hook/eye type closure higher up that won't require a key to be found in an emergency. Also check with your local fire dept about installing a lock/knox box outside so they can gain access quickly. There are some posters out there that cover doors and look like a filled bookcase so it masks the exit...
Alleviate any fire/heat sources like pulling knobs, covering outlets with childproof covers. We just had an electrician out this AM who suggested an idea for our toaster oven, the only appliance without a child safe mode...he's going to run a heavy duty surge protector cord from an outlet that is childproof into a cupboard where the surge protector will reside, and then we will most likely get a lock for the cupboard...and I will have to remember to turn it off before I leave for work (Dad is home with her most of the time).
But it sounds like a big issue...and it is...because so many demands are made of us and we can't function without sleep...is your disrupted sleep. Worrying that you might not hear her, there may be a fall. Falls happen even in assisted living and nursing homes. Sometimes a bone breaks first...and THAT causes a fall. So don't feel guilty if it does happen. But I agree with the others, if you can afford it, to get someone who spends the night and stands guard...at least a couple times a week.
In our case my mom has not wandered prior, she just wanders in the house and makes her rounds on the lower level, eventually sitting down to read. I suspect it's related to sundowning or boredom though we can't get her easily to cooperate for going out to any programs unless SHE wants. The good thing, though not in the moment, is that my pup is very protective/guarding, so in order for mom to go down, she has to pass our door, and nobody can go past in either direction without my pup knowing and woofing. Sometimes it seems the only way for me to get adequate sleep is to doze when mom does...
Same situation for my mother. Up at night, etc. Mother was with us for three weeks until this same situation developed, but along with other out of normal behaviors.
For you at this juncture... It's all ok considering, but her safety, physically & medically is of utmost priority.
It's time for a good thorough medical eval with a good geriatric doctor to see exactly what stage she is, meds adjustments if needed, etc. Also, as hard as it may be, look into an assisted living with memory care arrangement. My mother has been in AL for almost four years doing well even though her condition has significantly progressed.
I'm sure you would desire the best quality of life for her. It's hard on us because we love them, but we need to be at best for them when we are with them. Caregiving 24/7
will take a great toll on you.
Blessings
We also use LifeLine which is a medic alert system. It involves having a "box" (smaller than a shoebox) and a pendant. She needs to wear the pendant constantly though, so it might not be suitable for you. If she's wearing it, her position can be found.
My Gramps in 1978 left the house at 3 a.m. on several occasions in the small town he and Gran lived in. The police knew him well because he'd lived there since 1936 and they brought him back each time from downtown to the great distress of everybody but him. The sitch never progressed to an AL decision because he developed pneumonia and died in hospital a few months later. His wandering could have been terrible for him and anyone who struck him with their car, etc. Best of luck to you in this trying time.
Ironically the lawn on which she was lying was that of an elderly woman whose husband had also had dementia. A couple of years before, he had slipped out overnight while she was sleeping. The State Police, the fire department and the neighbors looked for him all over the area that day and into the next. They finally found him in a nearby creek clutching his bed pillow. He had died from hypothermia. He had never before showed signs of exit seeking or wandering.
Your mom might start wandering outside and be lost or hurt. Please get her into a facility or hire an overnight caretaker. You'd feel awful if something happened to her.
To prevent her from leaving the house, install a lock on all doors that requires a key to lock and open. You can remove the key each time you lock the door. A warning though: this is a safety violation because if there is a fire and you cannot find the key ... uh oh! So, keep several copies around the house where she cannot find them.
Lastly, if you have the money, hire a night caregiver to keep an eye on your mother while you sleep. Caregivers usually work a min of 4 hrs, so that works well because you need 8 of hrs of sleep.
Good luck!
Any wandering is dangerous and should be addressed immediately before something bad happens.
I am a dementia educator and I see this so often. The sad reality is that families feel so much guilt even thinking of placing their loved one that ultimately they wait too long and the inevitable happens.
I hope you find strength and do what is safe for mom. You know the answer...its just saying it aloud and not thinking you are a bad person. Good luck.
I think we need a little more information. She may need a mild sleep aid to help her stay asleep. Try keeping her awake more of the day so she is tired at night. Probably a good time for a checkup with her PCP to see what can be done.
Dementia is a whole other animal--she isn't aware what's she's doing and so there's no point in reminding or scolding--they simply don't remember.
My granddad was a daytime roamer--and the street they lived on --all the houses were the same. He'd wander away and some neighbor would walk him back home. Poor grandma. She was always chasing him down. He, however, did not need a walker or cane. He walked MILES during the day.
Sorry I'm not much help--other than thinking something for sleep may help. Melatonin works for a lot of elderly people--but do talk to the dr.
You're right--she cannot stay by herself!