How do you handle grief?

Hi  - Can you tell us a little more about your situation? Typically men handle grief differently than women do. Women usually benefit from grief groups and talking with others in similar situations. Men do not necessarily benefit from this, but tend to withdraw and think things through or lose themselves in work or other activities. Of course, these are generalizations and everyone has their own grief experience.

Here is part of an article from the internet from "Grief Speaks" - Men and Grief. I had been looking up resources as a friend has been facing a lot of loss and now the imminent loss of his father.

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Keep these in mind when a man you know is grieving:

Our culture discourages men from openly emoting.
At the same time men have been judged for not emoting and therefore may find themselves in a double bind.
A man has physical differences which can impact his way of healing.
A man's way of healing may be less visible and more subtle.
A man's grief is often connected more with the future than with the past.
Just because a man is more silent does not mean he isn't grieving.
Every man is unique in the way he approaches his own healing.
A man's healing can be influenced by his tendency toward independence.
Men may prefer time alone in order to heal.
Men may respond to their loss more cognitively.
A man is likely to find ways to connect with the pain he feels with an action he can take.
Keep these in mind when you as a man consider your own grieving process:


You will grieve in your own way, influenced by who you are, how you're made, what you've experienced, and how you've been raised.
You're likely to seek a map to understand grief's terrain.
You may use fewer words than those around you.
You will be inclined to use your strength to connect with and heal your pain.
You may choose to tap into your grief by taking action more than through interaction.
You may place value on independence, quiet, and solitude as you grieve.
You're likely to find meaning in caring for those around you as one aspect of your grieving process.
You may wish to honor your loss through action that impacts the future more than talking about the past.
You can use your courage to stand in the tension of grief.
You can build on this experience and use if for your own growth.

When a Man Faces Grief 12 Practical Ideas to Help You Heal From Loss by Golden and Miller

If you are a grieving male: The world may not see you as the bereaved person that you are. Because of your gender, in our society, you may be seen only as the support person- a role you probably play very well.

If you have been taught from an early age that "big boys don't cry", you may feel ashamed of crying. Other people may not be comfortable with your tears. Don't hold the grief in. Find a safe place or someone to share with who isn't afraid of your grief. People may mistakenly tell you to be strong or may tell you that you are strong for holding it in. Don't confuse grieving with weakness and not grieving with strength. Holding in grief is very hard on the body and can make you physically ill. Gender may affect the way you grieve. Try hard not to behave as others think you should- but as you need to.

Invisible Grief

Many men avoid grief in one of the following ways:

Silence
Secrecy
Action
Anger
Addiction

When men experience loss, they often get overlooked. When others fail to acknowledge their losses, men tend to feel isolated, misunderstood and compelled to keep their grief a secret. We have different social expectations on men and women.

Men are conditioned to repress their emotions. Often what lies beneath isn't what is visible on the surface for men. Men who learn to open up and share their grief will have many benefits to their emotional and physical health, as well as for their relationships and marriage. They will also feel more energy and happiness.

Men need to find other men to talk with. Men's support groups can be very helpful for this. Counseling can be helpful for those who feel stuck. Seeking professional help is a sign of courage and willingness to heal.
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Wishing you all the best in your healing journey. It is a tough one, as I know well.  Grief can be very physical - fatigue, aches and pains, insomnia... You can find info about that on the internet too.  Hope this is helpful for you. Come back and share more.

Sorry for your pain and sorrow. There is no right way or wrong way to grieve. It says from your bio you are taking care of your 100 year old mother. That is an incredible milestone to reach. I know its very hard to see our parents become frail and elderly and eventually pass.

Grief is horribly hard to process. I am still struggling 6 months after my own father's passing. I try to do what others have suggested. But sometimes what works for one person does not work for another. Please know we are all here to listen and support you in anyway we can. Take care.

There is good literature about men and grief. Tom Golden and Alan D. Wolfelt are two authors I have found helpful.