I managed to have a whole day out yesterday with 2 of my sisters filling in to stay with Mom in my absence. She loves being with them, but when I came home I got the silent treatment, and it went on through the evening. When I asked what was wrong she said she was so bored from staying at home all day. At bedtime she apologized for being “pouty” with me. I told her it was all right and we would make tomorrow a better day. She then offered she had been blue and lonely from being home all day. I do so much for her willingly and keep her engaged with activities she can still do, outings as often as we can, etc. Today I feel it wasn’t worth it to leave her with how low I feel this morning. After almost 4 years of caregiving, this has happened before, but not to this degree. I’m sure this is normal, but how do you handle similar situations?
That said, when Mom was like this with me, I realized part of it was because she was accustomed to me being there so much. I had to get her accustomed to more than me being there for her. Please don’t do it once in a while — do it weekly. Perhaps instead of your 2 sisters being there together, have each come separately & on different days every week. That way, if you won the lottery & went on an around-the-world cruise, Mom would be accustomed to others. Nice thought, the cruise, right?
In my situation, Mom is more and more not wanting to go out, and I have a choice of either not going, also, or take some time to myself, enjoy, and come back home a bit more refreshed. If it's at the end of the day, Mom goes to bed. I retire to my bedroom and watch something funny on Netflix, go to sleep, and wake up a bit more refreshed tomorrow.
It is hard sometimes to separate yourself away, but if you do not, you both will be depressed. BUT if you can alienate yourself from that depressing "GUILT", you will be more refreshed and better able to care for your mom the next day, and so on.
Remember, whenever that grimmy, dirty, greasy, tool called guilt beckons you to pick it up, stop; look at it for what it is, and throw it back. Tell it, naw, no thanks, I think I'll use the good tool of love instead.
You can do it and after you do this a couple of times, I think you will be more at peace and she will stay within her boundaries. Good luck.
Why should you feel guilty? Is she old because you did it? Sick due to you? Life is life, being willing to help is one thing but when someone demands you give up any semblance of a normal life for them, that’s not healthy.
My my mother is a narcissist so a pro at manipulating. For me the easiest way to handle it is pretend she’s a toddler. If my grandchild did something to get her way how would I react? I wouldn’t give in, I’d stand my ground but I’d do it without yelling or screaming. I may bring her a trinket back( a fancy dessert or something) but I’d still go.