She calls me and accuses me of holding back info on her health. she doesn't remember that she called me and asked me the asks me the same question says she know I am not telling her the truth. My poor dad has been covering for her for 5 years. It's has gotten worse and she is accusing him of cheating and she was screaming and very anxious. My parents' house was robbed a couple of weeks ago and it's pushed her off the deep end. We can't discuss anything with her . Please help. My dad can't take it anymore and knows he has not done right by giving in to her outbursts and letting her have her way for so long. Have to get her help before she hurts someone or herself.
If this medical issue isn't an infection, then it sound like Alzheimer's/Dementia. Your Mom cannot help how she is acting because her brain is confused. Sadly there is no cure.
Usually if a person refuses to see a doctor, one way to get them there is tell them that Medicare called, over due on "Yearly Wellness Exam".... if one doesn't see a doctor by a certain date then Medicare will stop paying. I know this is a fib, but there are times we fib for the betterment of the person.
Tell your Dad not to feel guilty. this is not because he "gave in." It is in her head and no amount of 'tough love" would have changed that.
Good luck!
It turns out that he was prescribing the right drug but far too little to have any effect.
My stepchildren are having this problem with their mother now. She needs anti-anxiety meds but WILL NOT talk about it.
The thing with Alzheimer's is you can't argue, or try to get them to understand - their logic and reasoning are gone. You just have to keep them happy and live in their reality. My mom was extremely combative and still is at times. I just avoid the arguments at all cost. Change the subject and redirect her attention to something else. Play music that she likes - it will calm her down. There are many studies that shows how music helps people with dementia.
It also sounds like your poor dad is at this wits end. There are many support groups and care agencies that can help you and your dad to figure out what to do. My mom went to an adult day center during the day that specialized in dementia. She loved it. These people are trained and now how to deal with these behaviors.
What helped me was embracing the resources that are out there. The help and support you will receive are invaluable.
# Get her seen by a geriatric psychiatrist, who can dose meds. Do not get that confused with psychologist who will merely listen to her story and send her away with nothing accomplished. She needs medical help, whether she wants to deny it or not. One person said the "stigma of mental illness-" okay, yes you can choose to remain in it or get well.
But I have to take some of the blame. the doctor asked me to "get involved" with her meds. So, I called every morning to make sure she was taking them. She was really exasperated with my intrusion and and assured me in a snotty way each morning that she had taken them.
Turned out, (are you sitting down for this?), she didn't even have the pills in the house! When they ran out, she never renewed the prescription. But she was convinced that she was taking them every morning. This had gone on for about three months. At that stage of the game, it just did not occur to me that my mom would not renew her prescriptions. That was early in the game.
Sigh...
Today she is in AL and gets her meds every morning.
Yes, and it is the most worrisome aspect of the disease, for me. Even when visiting regularly or making regular phone calls, you can totally miss it.
When it came to going to the Dr I finally had to cheat. I was unwilling to wrestle her to my car. I'm not willing to go to jail in order to care for her. I needed a couple of professional caregivers and I needed to have a comprehensive assessment of what was actually wrong with her. So I called an ambulance and we went to the emergency room. I didn't tell her till the ambulance got to the house and then it was Ma'm this and Ma'm that from 2 young handsome men and it was like we were going to a party. She didn't stop talking and flirting till we got to the hospital. And I didn't realize that if you arrive in an ambulance you go right into a room- no waiting in the waiting room. Then once we were in, because it was an ER, they had every diagnostic machine and finally were able to tell me NOTHING was wrong with her except dementia! By the end she was tired and wanted to go home so she willingly went home in the car.
Everyone told me she had to see her regular Dr also, so a few months later I did the same thing- I ordered up an ambulance. It was still fun for her and they ran her over to the Dr's office while I followed in the car. The other thing I did was get an appt for the very end of the afternoon so she didn't like a lot of people were staring at her- down to about 90 lbs- and we could go right into a room, even if we had to wait a while. I asked for a warm blankie and got her settled on the exam table so she didn't get too tuckered out. That was good, not waiting a long time in the waiting room. I realize that not everyone can afford the expense of the ambulances, but Medicare picked up the first one. Her Dr said the same thing- nothing wrong with her except dementia. Now that she's in AL she's officially a "difficult patient", which makes me feel a little better- it wasn't all my imagination!
I would strongly consider a care home for your mother, e.g. Nursing Home, Assisted Living, Memory Care ESPECIALLY SINCE SHE HAS VERBALLY THREATENED YOUR FATHER! And you have a witness to that-the ER physician! Totally unacceptable! Something must change now! She must take the anti anxiety med, lest she kill someone, namely the closet person to her, her loving, caring husband! Poor man! He's going through the worst nightmare of his life!