She simply could not live on her own again due to her dementia, her risk to fall and bad legs. However, she still has some awareness of her surroundings and physical limitations. The days come when she is in a very angry mood and insists on being discharged, says she will discharge herself and call a car service to take her home, etc. She no longer has her apartment, of course. I try to tell her that she needs care for herself and I also Never mention the dementia. She mentions the residents around her who are in serious condition and knows that they are in bad shape. She doesn't associate herself with them and their condition and thinks she is totally fine. After a year and a half, she Still holds on to this desire to go home. What answers can I give her outside of telling her that she no longer has a place to go to and that where she is is where she will stay. It breaks my heart.
The condition of not believing she has anything wrong with her is known as Anosognosia. Changes in the brain cause individuals with mental illness, brain tumors, stroke, Alzheimer's disease and other forms of dementia to truly believe that there is nothing wrong with them.
I work in a Memory Care home & we house 2 former doctors; a husband & wife team who suffer from dementia. Lovely people, I am fond of them both. Almost every shift I work, the wife knocks on the lobby door to be let out. I open the door, greet her & ask what I can help her with, knowing what's coming next.
"We will be checking out tomorrow morning" she informs me, clipboard & pencil in hand. "Will we need to let anyone know? Will we need money to pay the cab driver? Can you arrange a cab for us?" I tell her I'll be happy to arrange a cab for her at 10 am and that I'll inform the Executive Director of their departure via email. She's happy with that resolution and goes back to her suite, only to repeat the process a couple of days later.
Why not tell your mother she can go home once her doctor gives the okay for her to do so. Naturally, that's not going to happen, so distraction is the key for the meantime. Use that statement each time she brings up the desire to go home.......it's really all you can do under the circumstances.
I feel your pain. My mother has dementia & lives in Memory Care. I deal with chronic issues from her every week, sometimes every day. I truly hate this disease with every fiber of my being. It robs the sufferer of her entire quality of life, and the family of their peace of mind. Wishing you the best of luck managing your mom and her issues.