My mom is in stage 4-5 of Alzheimer's and I'm guessing stage 3 of Parkinson's. She is leaning to one side, right side is significantly weaker and right had shakes, she shuffles, and freezes when walking.
I'm not sure how honest I should be about where these diseases are taking her. She has agreed to go to an assisted living community in the Fall, but will be heading towards the Memory Care unit. We've taken her to see one AL place but never mentioned the MC unit. I don't want to upset or scare her, but I don't want to lie to her either unless it' the correct thing to do. I'm just not sure what is appropriate. She has been told she has both of these diseases. I'm not sure what she remembers now however.
She has forgotten that she has anything wrong with her. She has also forgotten about her parents. It's very sad, but there is no need to inform, because, she may be upset, she won't remember it anyway. To me it's more merciful, to spare them the scary information that they are going to forget anyway.
The truth you need to tell, over and over again, in as many ways as you can work it, is that you will keep your mom safe and see that she is cared for.
I told my husband "I will never abandon you. I will always advocate for you and see that you have the best care available." I never suggested I would never place him in a care center.
Why do you think Mom will need a memory care unit? Why not just assisted living? Does she wander? (Wandering is common in ALZ. It is rare in LBD.) That is probably the main reason people need memory care. Does she have problem behaviors that will disturb other residents? Does she need services that are not available in regular AL?
My daughter works in a lovely ALF. They just expanded the memory care portion of her facility. They are suggesting to families that certain residents will benefit from a move to the newly available MC rooms. But more than half of their residents have dementia and most of them get along just fine in the regular units.
Unless there are obvious needs for a secure environment, I wonder if you might consider placing Mom in a regular room, until/unless she needs more supervision.
As to whether she can stay home -- she is probably not the most qualified person to decide that! I am glad to hear that you are having her assessed with that in mind. If (or when, really) she can no longer be at home, I think a confirmation of the diagnosis, and placing her in the least restrictive environment that can serve her is worth considering.