Mom fell on Wed nite and broke 2 ribs. She has been in hospice for 1 1/2 years for her dimentia. Before the fall she was walking talking eating and doing everything I would do just without recall. I kept her home till Friday keeping her comfortable with small amounts of morphine every 6 or more hours, when all I could get her to eat was a banana that I had fed her in little pieces. In the evening I couldn't even get her to drink (I even tried a straw putting fluid in her mouth) so I called hospice and had her taken to the hospital for fluids. Now she just lays there and does nothing but stare. You can get her to smile and every now and then get a small chuckle from her. It was her desire when she could make decisions, never to be kept alive with a feeding tube or machine if she were to need them. I will not put her though that since she said not to.
I haven't made final arrangements and know I need to do this now. How long can she live with just being hydrated? Should I sit by her side or is there time for me to step out for a day or two to take care of things?
This may seem very sudden to you. Mom was active just a few days ago. To me, that is ideal: to be active and alert right up to the end, and then have only a brief period of departing. We don't get to specify how we want to leave this world, or how we want our loved ones to, but when my end comes I hope it is not a drawn-out prolonged parting.
I think that final arrangements can wait. If I were you, I'd stick close to Mom, so that you can get back very quickly if called.
I'm glad to hear you are not going for a feeding tube or any life sustaining measures. Those were not your mom's wishes and it's good that you are respecting he wishes. Have you spoken with the hospice people and asked them this question?
My mom had a series of problems, then a broken hip. She had surgery for it and came through that, but then decided she did not want anymore efforts to keep her going. She just wanted to pass. I'm giving you the Reader's Digest version her. My mom did not have dementia, but she had many years of dealing with physical handicaps and no longer wanted to continue the struggle. She had all of her medications stopped and only comfort measures continued. She was given a morphine drip at that time and we were by her side. She lived another 4 days. She did not eat or drink water during that time. It had been a challenge to get her to eat prior to her decision.
I think each situation is unique. What condition the person is in at the time they stop eating, when they stopped eating. My mom had eaten little for quite a while before she decided to have things stopped. So your mom may last longer than my mom did. Is she still on all her medications? My mom had Congestive Heart Failure, Pulmonary Lung Disease (never a smoker) and so many other issues. For years, she had taken 8 Vicodin per day, maximum dosage. She was always a trooper, but also looked forward to an afterlife where pain would no longer exist.
Keep on top of her vitals and get direction from the hospital staff. Do what you have to do and check in regularly with the staff so you are up to date on how she is doing. I think you already know this, just offering my best reasoning.
Good luck to you. You have been a kind and loving care giver to your mom. Sending you prayers and please stay in touch. Hugs, Cattails
I would also like to say that It might be good to get references to a good mortuary so you know ahead of time who you want to be called in. It took me several days to finalize things and pay for my dad when he passed unexpectedly in April. I did know who I would go through because we had decided ahead for my mom because we thought she would be the first to go. She's still here and I've had her in my home since late October.
I read all answers by all and it sure does help to have you stand behind me. My sister (who hasn't seen mom in the past 6 months) and our neighbor (her other paid care giver for 6 years now) both say try the feeding tube for a few weeks or so to see if it helps bring her back. I am being told I am not interpreting her desires correctly. I may not be in one way but I know that she had no quality of life other than the personal home care given at home. We rarely went many places and when we did she had no recall of any of them and ofter wished she could be with dad and her mom. She would have dreams and wake confused because the dreams would involve doing things with those who have already passed and she couldn't figure where they went. She would say I wasn't telling the truth about their passing since she just saw them. I'm rambling now sorry. God Bless you all!!
i love the fact that u are saying this- ( and feeding tubes can be painful and temp.)
i believe that somehow the dementia/alz , as horrible as it is, allows other partsofthe brain to be used-parts of our brain that were discouraged and prevented from developing-for me - it was gut feelings or intuition- i was always being told- thats not true-you dont really feel that way-
with my mom, there have been many times ,before taken away to Mass.,when she surprised me with statements so truthful about situations in the past,that she denied all my life- apologized for past behavior.she has spoken about her parents, and my dad-all have passed-and if she had a visit with them and spoken to them-usually she asks-where are they? they aren here..right
and i say no - not here but close by-
i call them her dementia moments of truth-
as strange as it sounds, i have been lucky enough to still get visits from her mom and dad- who took care of me much of my childhood-and my sister who passed many years ago - i am sure many dont believe in that kind of a thing-but it happens to me-every now and then-
and i think it happens for our loved ones when they are open enough and can receive that kind of energy-
true or not, it makes sense and works for me-
just wanted to share- because whatever u do- will be the right decision-
love and hugs,
k
I'm sorry your sister and neighbor feel otherwise, but often people have different opinions, especially when a change is sudden due to injury. The thing is, injury is often the catalyst for a shut down in the elderly. They are walking a fragile line and a physical event can often turn the tide.
You have been caring for your mom for the past 9 years and I trust you know her wishes. Keeping her alive by medical intervention so that she can continue to live in the reality of ever increasing dementia, until the next event happens, seems in great contrast to the wishes your mom has expressed to you.
At this time, it sounds like her wishes would be that she be kept comfortable and have you by her side.
Sending you love and support, Cattails
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