How long does it take to adjust after moving into a memory care facility?
My folks both have Alzheimer’s and have moved into a memory care facility. They have been there over a month and frankly it’s still hell to deal with but now costs a fortune to have them there. My parents are beyond miserable there, begging to just get out. The staff tells me they need time to adjust and my parents tell me that there’s nothing to do and no place to go and that some of the staff yells at the patients. I’ve visited at various times on various days and don’t see what my parents are saying. However, in order to get in to the secure memory care area, I have to ring a doorbell and be let in. (this would warn staff to behave because someone is entering, but I doubt it would hide much) Anyway, since my folks are not acclimating nor adjusting, I was wondering how long it usually takes for this to happen. I get phone calls often, in between my visits. My mom is always crying and upset during the calls. When I go in person, both parents light up and re-energize. I see them immediately come to life and they can’t wait to get beyond their locked doors. Is this all normal?
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My own Dad first moved to the community to Independent Living and he really liked the place. He was just so glad to get away from his house which was too big for him to handle. My Dad rarely went to any activities, except when there was music, as he preferred to relax in his recliner, read or watch TV. Now he felt like he really had "independence" to do what he wanted :)
One day the Staff called me in for a meeting, it was time for my Dad to move over to their Assisted Living/Memory Care.... this really surprised me as I didn't think Dad was ready.... until the Staff said that in the evenings Dad was wandering, thus he had "sundowners". I asked Dad if he would like to move to the next building as it would be a lot cheaper [therapeutic fib but it worked]. We joked about his new "dorm room".
Dad had access to the whole Assisted Living building which include residents who needed help being mobile, and those who had memory issues. There was a Staff person at the front desk who made sure none of the Memory Care residents wandered outside unattended. The exterior doors weren't locked until sundown. But all the residents still had total access to the whole building.
Now I had a tour of another Assisted Living complex where the Memory Care was on a separate floor and I had to ring a bell to get in. That I didn't like. Plus the place felt too much like a hospital. Where my Dad lived, it was set up to look and feel like a hotel.
I feel for you, this was by far the hardest thing I've ever had to do, place my dad. Be kind to yourself right now and consider not taking every call. When you do visit try to do some of the activities with them. It does take time, they've lost everything and are going to buck, pray they adjust sooner then later.
May God grant you the strength to endure this journey.
The only thing I kept telling my mom and dad when they brought up going home. was I said they were sick and needed nursing care. I would say IM SORRY, but you need care. (repeat x10! :( over and over ...)
I learned distraction/redirection. its hard and frustrating. lots of things I said may not have been totally true, but sometime you have to tell them white lies.
my mom recently fell and ended up in the ER. so I rushed to ER at 4am
so funny to hear her say. when do I get to leave? I want to go back to my room!!
But its a long journey. and causes ginormous anxiety (YES plus the costs...self pay)
to me the dementia ...reminds me of someone going crazy. and my mom HAS NO CLUE how bad she is. She even makes up stories that never happen. but learning to just go along with her and agree and not arguing with her.
Im sorry that this happens to you and so many. I just tell myself to be strong and have faith that things will work out.
Think of uprooting from the place you've lived in for 50 years, being old and infirm and having a broken brain to boot. Hard transition.
Can you bring any activities they enjoyed; puzzles, sewing, painting, etc.?
The facility asked for us not to visit for the first 2 weeks to let her "fit in". Maybe you could limit your visits to twice a week.
He has been there 7.5 months and still wants to go get his own place. He needs daily assistance but not locked doors.
I say this because I think if it is not what they need, it could cause damage, I think my dad would have given up and died. If it is the level of care required, just keep reassuring them that everything is okay, point out the good aspects, find out if they can go out to activities in other wings of facility.
Let us know.