I know no one knows how long the process of dying takes, so this is a bit of a rhetorical question. My mother was virtually incoherent a couple of weeks ago and only drank sips of water. Yesterday she was lucid (although weak) and ordered an omelet from her AL kitchen. We warmed it up and fed her small bites. Today she spent time with the chaplain and said she was hungry. It seems she keeps rallying. I want her to live but I know being bedridden in hospice is not contributing to her quality of life. How long can this go on?
On Aug.5th 2020, my husband was in a partial coma, and hospice told me that he would be dead in 3 days. Well long story short, he didn't end up dying until Sept. 14th 2020, after not eating for 41 days, and not drinking for about 25 days.
As the body prepares itself for the dying process, it no longer needs or wants food and drink, as the digestive system is shutting down and it can actually be quite painful to try and do either. My husband during his 6 week dying process never once asked for food, and only occasionally asked for a few sips of his drink. So let your mother be your guide. She will let you know what if anything she needs or wants. And in the meantime, just enjoy your time with her, and make sure that you leave nothing left unsaid. God bless you and your mother.
She was in bed and not really awake, but she'd been that way for a few weeks. I came to visit her, and noticed she was looking just like her father. She never resembled her father, because his face was angular, and Mom's was round and softer. Well, go figure -- under those chubby cheeks were all those angles. She looked like an entirely different person, then three days later she was gone.
My best hope for you is that you will be able to relax a bit and have patience as the process works. My sisters and I tried to support each other and we tried to take turns visiting Mom and reading to her. Taking a turn reading to her turned out to be very soothing. There was the hope that she could hear and take pleasure in hearing her favorite poems and short stories. There was also the distraction from the knowledge that she was soon leaving us. Whatever your relationship to the dying parent, this is a very stressful time. Try to get enough rest and try to take as many breaks as you need to avoid being overwhelmed by the process.
She asked when they were going to change her, but when they did come in to change her behind closed doors I could hear her yelling and saying "Owww. I can't do that." It just broke my heart.
She was agitated before we left so they administered Lorazepam and she was sleeping peacefully when we left. The Medical Director did tell me that patients often rally in their last days. I know it could be days or weeks. Someone did make the great point that her mother looked more like her grandfather. My mother does look very much like my grandfather these days.
Again, thank you for your input and your thoughts.