My mom died on June 20 just last year from complications of COPD. My dad is living in a very nice AL facility. His health issues are many and I'm surprised he's hung on this long. He was recently hospitalized for pnemonia and his recovery has been very slow. He spends most days in his bed hooked up to oxygen, telling me and my husband that he will soon die. I feel like I'm on an emotional roller coaster. I no longer want to spend time with friends. The thought of going somewhere, listening to music and dancing, things I used to enjoy, now just make me feel tired and depressed. My oldest daughter will soon give birth to our second grandson and another daughter is getting married this November. I should be happy and excited but I'm not. So I want to know-when will I feel normal again?
So sorry about your mom. Sage advice above.
One more thing that works: take the body and the mind will follow.
I never understood that but I do now. You like music and dancing. But you don't feel like it? Then take the body dancing--and before long, the mind will want to dance some more.
Take morning walks. You don't FEEL like it--but do it anyway. And your mind will soon feel like doing more.
This works for me every time.
I am still grieving. I think I will always grieve her death till the day I die. As far as actively grieving I think it's different for everybody. It's dependent on a lot of things. How close you were to your Mom. What kind of support system you have. How busy you keep yourself. etc. etc. In your case because you are also worrying about your Dad's health that makes it even more complicated. I would suggest to you that you allow yourself to feel what you are feeling. For me, this idea that I should be over things by now sometimes makes me feel even worse.
There is no normal when it comes to these things. It also sounds to me like you are suffering from depression brought on by your situation. It wouldn't hurt to go to your doctor and discuss getting a mild antidepressant. Something to tide you over for a while. There is no weakness in that.
Thus, when my Mom passed at 98, I was sad on the day she passed, and relieved as her final months quality of life wasn't easy. My Mom had a wonderful long life, so I believe if there was any grieving it started when she started to really age, plus there was resentment that my parents had put this caregiving upon me [only child] which had overwhelmed me. I believe I had no emotion left for after the funeral.
Now my sig other, he comes from a family that grieves daily for a person even if that person passed 50 years ago. I notice that in his grown daughter, too. He marks on the calendar the anniversary of the passing for all his relatives, and his late wife. I know very little about the relatives lives because all he can talk about is the day of the death. How sad someone lives a long life, and all sig other can remember is their death. But that is how his family and relatives were.
My suggestions:
1. Get a check up from your PCP.
2. Make an appointment with a Counselor or a Therapist.
There is no real time table with grief. Depression can suck the life right out of you.
Please consider my suggestions.
Many hugs.
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