My Brother desperately wants Mom out of the NH and back here with me asap. He is asking me how much time I need to recuperate, how much help I'm going to need from nurses or aids, how much more can he and the rest of the family do. He wants the dog home with Mom. He's got my head swimming.
I need a full month off, until my follow up visit with cardiologist on 10/31.
I need each sibling to call her more often.
I need each of them to take her for a minimum of 2-4 hours a week for dinner or lunch.
I have no idea of what I need from nurses and/or aids. What would be the average hours. What do they do? I don't want to give up her care giving, I just want help.
To refresh, Mom has dementia is mostly wheelchair bound, diabetes, copd, very hard of hearing and could lose her sight at any time. She has put the kabbash on outside help, all this time , but just like taking her car away, it's time to stop letting a demented woman making the important decisions.
Any experience from Professionals, to those who have non-live in care givers.....I need a clue as to how much I need and what to expect.
Thanks Y'all.
But my big question is did your siblings step up like you want them to before your heart attack? If not, why not? What will make any difference once you get back home and things are "back to normal" in their eyes? Are they stepping up to see mom in the nursing home now? Taking good care of you? Offering support?
If it was me, I'd leave mom right where she is for at least a couple of months (probably more like three) so you KNOW you have a defined break to regain your strength and to put things in place that will ensure you do NOT have another heart attack! Take this time to refresh and rejuvenate your OWN life. You don't want to be one of the 33% of caregivers who die before their loved one!
I'm glad he's asking about the help you will need, but his timing stinks. Let him know you are on stress-free downtime and you'll talk about it next month. I wonder if your mother is asking him about things or if there are other reasons. Never you mind, though. It is his worry at the moment. You have yourself to tend to. You'll know when you're up to it.
Your brother needs to understand that going forward, there will be a new normal. And it very much includes you taking the time you need to care for yourself. Your life is so intertwined with your mom's that your needs have to be as important as your mom's are.
Believe me, if the tables were turned and it was your brother taking care of Mom and it was he who had a heart attack, he would want a year off :P Don't let him rush you. There is no way you would be able to rest with Mom, the dog, and a battery of nurses/aids in the house.
Boni, your physical heart was telling you something.... LISTEN TO IT.
Your brother has been a good provider, and I have no doubt he is a good man. He is loving and supportive, from everything I recall you sharing. I think he may be so caught up in his plan, he cannot handle the interruption....so he needs you to get back on plan. He needs to realize you are not up for that.
You should consider that it may actually be time to make the NH permanent.
Your heart is in the right place, unfortunately that place is highly stressful.
I wish you well.
L
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