My dad called me one day, back around 2006-2007, and wanted me to meet him between where he lives, and where I live. I got to the place he had stopped, on the side of the road and hopped into his vehicle.
He proceeded to tell me that I wasn’t his biological son, when I was approximately 30 years old. Obviously I was upset, but wrote it off on some mental issues he has, and the fact that I would never be interested in meeting my so-called real father.
He has brought it up, on five to seven occasions since then, and again after the start of the pandemic.
He has expected my mother or myself to pay for a paternity test, and has changed his will since all of this started.
I have two younger half siblings, and their mother had subpoenaed me to court for child support before he began his tirade. At the court hearing, he brought up paternity of these younger siblings.
Is it common for a father to make such claims?
Neither of the younger siblings will communicate with me, at all.
This weighs heavy on me, I think about it every day, and often dream about my dad and younger brother. It is taking over a part of my life, and he’s really hard to talk to.
If there is a question and it bothers you that much you can get tests for less than $200.00 (please notice that is a decimal point not a comma after the 00)
To answer your question though I do not believe in "normal" but it generally is not typical for a parent to question paternity. Now that changes if there is knowledge or evidence that would bring paternity into question. (good reason other than ratings that shows like Maury Povich are still on the air.)
For your own peace of mind get a test kit. (I saw some on line for as low as $15.00 for the kit and then you have to pay a lab fee of about $140.00. )
And sure, pay for the DNA tests. Then you have your answer. Easy enough.
To me a father is the person who raises you and parents you, not some anonymous sperm donor, but my opinions on that are neither here nor there.
It's up to you what you want to do about this. I would do DNA. And whether he was my father or NOT, how much time I spent with him would depend on HIS BEHAVIOR alone.
Is the court telling you you must take the test? If not, you don't have to do it. My son had a child with a young women. This boy looks nothing like my son, or the mom, so I've often wondered about the true paternity. When my grandson was about 2, I asked my son if he had that same suspicion, and he said he had, but he loved his son so much that no dna test would change anything about their relationship (he didn't want to know and he certainly wouldn't tell his son if he ever found out). I so respect him for this.
I'm sorry your "dad" is trying to disavow his fatherhood... it sounds like such a weird situation. It may be due to his dementia (mentioned in your profile) but houo said this has been going of for about 15 years, so your father would have been aa much younger man then.
You can't choose your family but you can choose to have a relationship with them (or not). May your receive peace in your heart no matter what you decide to do or what the outcome of the test is.
I too don't understand why, as an adult, you were brought into a support hearing. I don't even see how wife felt you should be paying support for kids you have no responsibility for legally.
Try not to worry about the lack of contact with your half-brothers, particularly if they are still young. They will have been influenced by their mother, and they often think again in their late teens or when the influence ends.
Remember that this is confusing and upsetting, but many of us have difficult family dramas and simply live through them. Best wishes, Margaret
First if he agrees to reinstate you in his will. Right now he’s cut you out with the assumption that you don’t have bio ties. Economically, you have nothing to lose.
Second is that if there’s not a genetic risk, you don’t have to worry about what he genetically has.
What makes no sense is this: " I have two younger half siblings, and their mother had subpoenaed me to court for child support before he began his tirade." Since when do half siblings pay child support?????
I nor you have any idea if your father is off on a mental illness tirade or if he is not in fact your biological father. For you to say, in one breath, you would have no interest in meeting your biological father, and in the other, that you think about this matter daily and dream about your dad and brother, tells me you DO have an interest. We humans all have a natural birthright to know who we are and where we came from. Whether you strike up a relationship with a new biological family or not is another matter entirely. But you have a right to know the TRUTH and make a decision from there.
When I found my birth family, I opened a Pandora's Box I could NEVER close again. But I also discovered myself in the process. I waited too long, however, because my birth mother had died, taking the information about my birth father with her. And I was only 43 when I hired a private investigator to find them. I suggest you take the DNA test and get to the bottom of this matter asap. And discover your origins and whether your father has mental illness or not. That's important to know, and you owe it to yourself and your kids to find out.
I know the gut wrenching feelings associated with all of this. I wish you good luck and Godspeed....and courage....as you proceed.
Mind you, he also has to submit a test, too. If he doesn't or one of his relatives, then you won't learn anything.
I assume your mother is no longer around to ask?
I would just let things go for now. You say Dad has Dementia and family history of mental illness. He may not be responsible for what he says. And ur younger sibs, if they are under 18 I would wait till they are old enough to understand the dynamics between adults. Mom may have poisoned them to you. At this point you can't do anything.
I have never heard of a person being responsible for their siblings child support. How did this turn out is your Mom also their mom?
Please know that you are your own separate person. You don't need him or his permission to be a good decent human being that you are. The fact that he is such as horrible man, it's better to not be related to him.
Your dad isn't a very nice guy and you should not let his vile words occupy head space. I know, easier said then done. Maybe not having very much contact with him would be beneficial for you, at least until you can learn to disregard his attempts at not being responsible.
My dad tried to hurt me when he wasn't getting his way. It's like dealing with a giant, spoiled toddler. I would tell him I would stand him in the corner if I could. That was always enough to change the subject :-)
Best of luck getting through this.