My DH has been in assisted living for 6 weeks and is slowly but surely acclimating as I am. Not a smooth road but I feel more rested and less stressed. When I ask the facility how often to visit, they say "whatever is best for you". What is best for him. I go every day but it is getting hard. I get the feeling that his response to me being there is sometimes not as appreciated as it was but I don't know if that is good or bad, maybe just my imagination. I don't know if I should keep going every day or should I go every other day or what. What has anyone who has done this decided is best for both of us. I am not sure if I do the right thing and I love him so much and miss him.
I wonder if I detract from him feeling at home there by my approximately 2 hour visits daily.
For me, the leaving part is the hardest. Sometimes my visits span to 3 or 4 hours and I have been trying to get there 3 times a week. They are always happy to see me.. but never want me to leave. Sometimes the visits are enjoyable and sometimes they are mostly wanting to know why they are there and when can they leave.. or why they don't want to be there. If the visit is not positive I try to end it quickly as I feel like I am wasting my time and theirs.
I'm sure it is different since mine are my parents and you are missing your husband. I would say outside of visiting him and making sure he is ok and has everything he needs.. I would do what works for you.. you need to live your life as well. Maybe you should take at least a few days for yourself.
At least your visits are down to 2 hours.. whereas my weekend visits have been as long as 4 hours. Its just so difficult for me to end the visit on the weekends. I try to visit during the week while I am working and that's a little easier because I tell them I need to go back to work. (any tricks here would be appreciated)
If you decide you want to visit him 2 hours everyday because you miss him and just want to be with him.. I don't think that would hurt his feeling at home there. I try to get to know the other residents and the staff and participate in the activities with them as well while I am there. Sometimes they refuse to participate in activities when they are by themselves.. so it gets them a little more involved.
Glad you are feeling rested tho.. its a tough journey for sure.
If you’re visiting that often, especially if sometimes you feel he’s not as welcoming, maybe that is too often. That’s why I didn’t go every day. If this is a permanent situation for you, those daily visits will become tedious for both of you. I spent the time taking time for myself, something I can’t do while he’s home. Ask DH how often he’d like you to visit. You’re correct when you say your visits may be impeding him from settling in. And, there’s always the phone!
When I took her back, she stopped outside and told me that she was not going back there, that she was going home. I told her that wasn't possible and when I got her to the common area on her floor, she refused to let me hug or kiss her goodbye. She wasn't nasty, just upset. My thinking is that I shouldn't go every day anymore until she gets fully acclimated. LuvRLabs2, I know this is very hard for you and if you feel like you're detracting your hubby from being totally comfortable, maybe you should back off for a couple of days, or make the visits shorter. If you feel like you're getting stressed, just remember that you are not helping your hubby by being there so much. Will you please keep us posted? I wish you the best.