Both parents are in a very nice memory care facility. My stepdad moved in with mom recently. Today he was very distraught and with great difficulty he was able to describe a nighttime aide who he claims is molesting my mother under the guise of getting her ready for bed. He is extremely intimidated and afraid of this man. He described him and I checked with staff and they knew who it was. An aide from an outside agency due to staff shortage of facility employees. The regular daytime staff are wonderful. He is happy and comfortable with everything and everyone except this one individual. Both parents do have dementia diagnosed. But I firmly believed that he was speaking of a disturbing reality, not mixing delusion with fact. An investigation is underway but I’m sick to think that perhaps it’s all a misunderstanding. But in my heart I believe something is not right even if it is only a matter of attitude or non professional behavior. Any experience with something like this? So very upsetting. I think it happens more than any of us really know My moms short term memory keeps her from remembering anything. She claims she gets herself ready for bed. No. She is wheelchair bound and gets assistance with everything from dressing to toileting to showering. She has absolutely no memory of anything which is sad when you think of how many are in that same stage and can’t possibly remember what goes on to report? Perhaps the accused counts on that? And that stepdad has the same? Since it is “memory” care?
I don't mean to appear sexist but I feel that aids dealing with female patients should be the same sex. These elderly people most likely need some assurance with the help they require and at their age I can imagine dealing with the opposite sex may not be reassuring.
Does the facility allow cameras in the room? I think the only way to confirm what's going on at night is to see for yourself because molestation is a very serious charge and if it's untrue, it is damaging to the accused. Also I think the older generation is definitely not used to or comfortable with having their privacy breached by the opposite sex. If I were in a facility I would always want a female aid. That's just me and my prude-y self.
That's just one example of someone 'seeing' something that never happened. This is especially true with men being accused of inappropriately groping women patients/residents who are very elderly and living in managed care environments. That's not to say it 'never' happens, but to hear a dementia patient tell a story has to be taken with a grain of salt. My demented mother confabulates to the point of insanity, so I let ALL of what she says go in one ear and out the other. Installing cameras would be the only way to MAYBE know for certain what was going on, but even then, if a male aide is changing a female resident, he WILL have his hands on her body at some point which could look like 'groping' on a camera when it really isn't. What I think does happen more frequently in SNF settings is physical abuse, such as slapping and hitting a resident, unfortunately, which a camera WOULD pick up and there would be no question that the abuse was real.
I suggest you insist with the administration that only female aides help your mother in the future. If that means she has to wait longer than usual for her nighttime rituals to take place, so be it.
I hope there was no wrongdoing on the part of this aide with your mother, and if there was, I hope he is prosecuted to the full extent of the law.
Good luck.
I'm always apprehensive when a care facility contracts outside agency help. Have a talk with the administration because clearly they are dropping the ball here.
I’d buy one of those NannyCams and place it in her room.