My mom is showing signs of early dementia and at times she knows it. Still, she wants to be independent but it's clear she's in over her head. At the early warning signs I hid her keys to prevent her from driving but for the past month she asks me at least 3 times a day for her fob. I explain the situation to her as calm as possible but sometimes I grow tired. I've been thinking I could giver her her keys but remove the batteries.
She's paying for a 2016 Nissan Altima that can only operate with a fob. I remember before the dementia her fob died once and would only allow her to unlock the doors. Fixing the fob is hard to do so I wouldn't have to worry about her doing anything irrational and besides I have friends watch her during the day until her disability begins. They don't mind taking her places either.
So anyway, should I give her a dead key? Does that sound like a good plan or is that mean?
If the car is in good shape, the sooner you sell it the more money you'll get for it, which will help pay for care.
I was lucky I guess, my mom and dad did not fight me about driving and we gave the car to my brother.
My friend disconnected something on her mom’s car, thinking that it would solve the issue. Her mom called AAA out and they fixed it. She started driving her car again, so I doubt the dead fob would work. She will get it replaced with new one.
Soon after the assessment we removed the car when he was receptive. Eventually we gave it to my daughter and let my father be a hero, but I also would have sold it to a business who buys cars as I did with my FIL's car.
Your father would need to be present to sign the transfer, but that is only a one time project, it is better than replaying the battle again and again. Looking back on the before and after, I would have kicked in some money to help make it happen.
Playing up the positives, such as the money from the sale, helps. Going to lunch or some other positive activity afterwards is also good. Getting a good price is not important as getting rid of it quickly.
The battles fade when the car is no longer there.
Your mother is paying for the car (is that some kind of finance deal? Any way to wind it up or transfer it to yourself?). It is her car. Is her licence valid? Her insurance?
I'm not saying woo-hoo let her drive if she wants to; but you can't keep her property, allow her to carry on paying for it, and prevent her from benefiting from it all at the same time.
If I were you - in fact, this is more or less what I ended up doing, because I couldn't afford to insure both cars and mother was heartbroken at the thought of losing hers; so was I but we all have to make these little sacrifices humph - I should get rid of your car and buy hers from her. If you haven't already, it is also time to notify her insurers and your local DMV people.
From there, it is reasonable to ask her to pay a proportion of the running and/or finance costs equivalent to how much use she gets from the car. So, say half of your mileage involves taking her to appointments (that'd be a lot of appointments! - but you see what I mean), then she pays half.
Has she given you power of attorney, by the way?
The trouble is, a dead key might stop her actually driving it onto the road but if you can get into a car and release its handbrake and steering lock you can still do a heck of a lot of damage. Seen it happen. And that's apart from the worry and anger she might experience when she can't make the key work.
Also: where does she want to go most regularly, and what could you set up as alternative transport for her?
Having a car represents freedom and independence. One thing you could do is remove car from sight and say it is being repaired. Taking out battery is another way to prevent driving, but best that car is out of view.