I have a MIL, 81, has Parkinson's and dementia. It has been almost 2 months since she showered. She almost never changes clothes. Very confused.
We handle all the money. We, her son and myself, moved in with her shortly after her husband died. She has had Parkinson's for 18 years.
Can you direct me to agencies that would do personal care like twice a week for no cost to me?
Is your MIL still a fall risk because she doesn't consistently use her walker? (That was the case back in 2020.) If she falls, will you be blamed?
When will enough be enough? What will it take for your H to agree to put her in a facility? It seems like it's the case that H works while you are MIL's fulltime caregiver? Is that what is happening?
Other than this, there are no other options for "free" care on an ongoing bases that I'm aware of. The money she has saved is to be used for her care, including assets like her home and investments. If she doesn't have many financial resources, then I point you back to Medicaid. FYI the way you manage her funds has an impact on her ability to qualify for Medicaid, which has a 5-yr look-back period on the application (some states are 2.5 years). Transactions that appear to be "gifting" would be problematic. Do not make any assumptions -- this is why you need to talk to a professional for your state (because Medicaid is run differently in each state).
Im not saying that in itself is bad but you are the ones in charge of her money. If she doesn’t have money or if all the money in the world wouldn’t get her to
bathe, then it is time to get her to a higher level of care, which will be far better if she pays. Your ethical choices are to invest in doing that so you can keep the inheritance, or sell the house and leave if it’s no longer possible.