My 96 mother has "boyfriend" 40 years her junior that convinced her 4 years ago to give him the home we grew up in to use as his rental when she dies plus!!! take my sister and I off the trust from my grandfathers $ (that she's spending all that is left on him) as trustees and beneficiaries and form an irrevocable trust naming him and his fake nonprofit (she's the only donator) as trustee and benificiary.. This is after she bought him his own house, paid for his teeth and hair and set up an annuity for life insurance plus financed him making 2 movies and trips all around the USA to promote them which she did over the last 20 years and we accepted that..Now asking her why the change why is he getting everything ..She said cause he knows we said we are going to put her in a home and besides he came from a poor family and we don't see the real him how sad he was and how he crys when things don't work out for him and shes like the mother he lost....that we have homes and jobs and income and he has nothing (we worked for what we got..my parents didnt even help me go to college or buy me a car nothing and yes Im mad that shes giving all Grandpas money to him while he does nothing but lie to her while her own kids and grandkids are working to keep afloat) that he had a terrible childhood .(found out he has sister and inherited property from deceased mother and when I told mom she says I know all about that itsworth nothing and his sister hates him) when I said thats because hes never worked in his life he just uses people till he found you mom his golden goose...she said no we meet at church and he is a Christian working there.....no mom he was staying there cause he had no where to go when his mom died so moved to California to be a movie star.... he found out Dad was murdered then be friended you and started his con..she laughed. I know she has some dementia..You said everytime you don't agree to do what he says he gets mad and yells or starts crying .She again repeated that he heard us planning to commit her. Tried to tell her if we where going to do that we would have done it 20 years ago and we didnt and never were..hes making it up...why would he do that? She says just figure everything I've done for him is because he helps me ( mom thats cause he has no responsibilities except entertaining you or himself with your money)... but we're a couple ...Ken understands me and you girls only help when you want too....no mom first you won't let us help that's why you hired Jay because your boyfriend Ken doesn't have time and when I asked Jay about things he just shakes his head and says I don't want to get in the middle.....I even told her..tell Ken you've changed your mind and see what he does ...tell Ken he's not going to be trustee you're putting things back..if you do that Ken will pitch and fit and threaten to never talk to you again and he'll leave or at least pretend too..she said it would kill him if she did that and he might even really kill himself and then how would she live with herself..all this fuss makes me wsnt to die!....So I asked her is there anyway she can help your Granddaughter Amy that's raising your great-grandson cause she's been sick and her husband just had back surgery and I had to sell some of my stuff and I went back to work to give them money so they wouldn't be homeless....Her reply was they'll be ok they have you. Ken only has me. Don't want to get APS involved but she has fallen 3 times and right now Ken is in Hawaii researching a new movie ..besides on his Facebook he exclaimed Its terrible when you have too much money you can't spend it all so that's why you start a nonprofit.Not sure what to do..want her to be able to stay in her home..but Ken won't allow 24 hour care cause that's spending "his" money. Guess can threaten APS ....tell her we'll let aurothitys decide if we all can't agree. Any other ideas???
I would leave her to it and walk away with no looking back, after 20 years nothing you do will change the situation with them.
Wish her luck and go enjoy your life and family.
I think perhaps I would have contacted APS about four years ago, myself, at about the time the Trust and all was changed.
Now if Mom is deemed to be in her right mind, then she has paid for this gentleman's care for about four years. You can do the math as to what ALF or MC would have cost Mom over that period of time.
My guess would be minimally about 120,000 a year.
So if mom IS reported to APS and IS in her right mind, and DOES tell them:
"Look, this is the son I never had. This is my son by another mother. And he has for the last 5 years cared for me night and day. He will be the one getting my assets if I have any left, not my family."
If she says all that?
Well, I haven't a clue WHERE this would all go. I will leave that up to APS.
It may be a bit late now, but certainly it is worth a try. Why not give APS a call and read them what you wrote to us? Word for word, in fact; it's an EXCELLENT summary.
Be certain to remember to tell them whether or not mom has any diagnosed dementia; that will be their primary interest in this case.
Do know, in 90s, Falls-R-Us. We elders fall all the time, and that would be in our own home, in the Walmart, and in hospital or LTC facilities. Our balance is just shot.
I sure wish you the best.
I hope you will update us (so few do) as to what APS tells you.
Oh, one more thing? While Ken's in Hawaii (a good time to act, by the way) who is caring for 96 year old mom?
Another by the way, say what you will about mom, she doesn't sound bored or depressed.
Thanks for writing us this interesting story.
I wish you great good luck ongoing.