My mother (Age 61) was diagnosed 9 months ago with End Stage 4 Ovarian/Peritoneal cancer. In the past month the disease has completely taken over; she's part of Hospice (in her home) and I feel I shouldn't leave her. She's basically bed ridden and can't do much. I've been the one bathing her, changing her, giving her her medications, feeding her... I feel I do more than the nurses.
I'm 27; I still have a job and family that I need to tend to; and my mother needs 24/7 care. I feel I'm being selfish and I'm upset with myself about that. I'm trying to avoid putting her in a Hospice house. That's the one thing she doesn't want. I'm just torn and don't know what to do. How do I get through this?
Here is what one Hospice organization says about their mission: "The health care team attends to practical needs such as insurance coverage, transportation, and assistance with bathing in addition to emotional and spiritual needs such as caregiver stress, grief, and fear of dying. Care is provided by an interdisciplinary team including the physician, psychologist, nurse, social worker, chaplain, pharmacist, nursing assistant, volunteers, nutritionist, and physical therapist." Please find out exactly what your organization is equipped to provide in the home and make sure you are utilizing it fully. Also talk to the hospice staff about other resources available to you, to lighten your load.
I know what you mean about feeling you need to be there 24/7, not wanting your mother to die alone. But it is likely you will have some warning as your mother's body starts shutting down, and you can be sure you are there around the clock for those last days, even if you have to (for example) return to work and be away several hours a day before then.
No one can say how much time is left to your mother, but you know it is limited. This is not something that will go on for years. On the one hand, each week must seem like an eternity with all you have to do and all the stress involved. On the other hand, each week is one less week you have with your mother, and in that sense you'd like them to be longer. But there is no way to speed them up or slow them down. Take them as they come. Do your best. Make sure your mother knows she has your love whether you are physically with her or not each minute. You are doing amazing work, walking with your mother on this last leg of her life journey. Don't be upset with yourself.
I know I'm only one person and only do so much but I'm just afraid of my mother passing in the hospice inpatient facility. That's the one thing she's petrified of and always has been; dying alone. She and I would rather her be in her own home. It just feels like a catch 22 no matter what I do.
Thank you for the support.
The point of hospice is to relieve you of the responsibility and care of your mother. Just open up to them and tell them everything.
Finally, I just watched a friend go through the last months with her Mom. She used up all her out-of-work time before her Mom was out of time. SO ask the hospice people what timeframe they would expect from their experience. They will not volunteer this, unless they are asked. Your Mom can be surrounded by love and care and a peaceful atmosphere (can even take comforters, etc, -- anything from her room at home that makes her happier) and be cared for with love and grace at the hospice house. I am positive of it.
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