I am an only child. My parents became late-in-life alcoholics and the past decade has been ugly. Now dad is in a memory care facility and mom, at only 76, uses a walker and is heading toward dependency on others. I have to deal with her daily (she lives a block away). She is extremely negative, still drinks (yes, she can still drive herself to the nearby convenience store) and can become very nasty with me and others. Now her main topic of conversation is all of her regrets, going farther and farther back in time. I am responsible to oversee my dad's care at his facility and I also run a small business. Everyday I have to tell myself "Their problems are many years in the making, and they are more than I can solve".
This month to see my family for the 1st time. Only God can do this. My sister is helping with my book to talk about the pain, the rape and overcoming it all to help young women that don't have a voice to speak out when your abusers are your caretakers and there is a code of silence you cant break on family. As for my mom I forgave her but can never forget but we are working o. Replacing the bad memories with better ones she us disabled she lost both her legs but she can fully walk with no canes. I had my dad to apologize to her then she did ask him for 41yrs of child support🤔😂 everyday is a new laugh something I never did as a child.
Set boundaries and stick to them. 5 minutes of regrets every Wednesday and off to something positive, she can only do this to you if you allow it. I know, easier said than done.
For your own wellbeing being you need to find help for her, AA, counseling, drug therapy whatever will slow the cycle.
Here's to happier days for all involved.
So let's get you some help so she doesn't cause you to have a medical issue. Can you hire help to lesson your burdens? Someone to clean, prepare meals, do laundry? Are there volunteer groups that would send a friendly visitor so your mom has someone that can maybe let her reminisce about the woulda, coulda, shoulda - didn't! regrets?
The very sad thing about regrets is there isn't much that can be done to change decisions made years ago. If she is talking about relationships, encourage her to reach out, say she's sorry or whatever she regrets.
Boundaries for her use of your time will help your frustration, I believe that it is okay to tell our parents that their behavior is unacceptable and that you can not subject yourself to the same nonsense day after day. Will they get angry, yep, oh well, you have to protect your time and it has to be used productively so you are able to do ALL the things you do for them.
I hope and pray you find someone that can help you.
Hugs!🤗
Sounds like she is one that will have to a have a tragedy before she will change anything.
I am so sorry for you, nothing more difficult to deal with than a drunk.
Boundaries will be your only way until something awful happens to change it all for her. I find it so heartbreakingly sad that she only cares about getting drunk and not having to deal with life. We have to be careful what we wish for, we might just get it.
Keep up the good work, you're in my prayers.