Let me preface this by saying I'm not a full-time caregiver yet. We are on a "trial run" with my elderly father to see if both parties can handle each other. So far, not so good!
Long story short, all I hear from my father is constant complaining. Never necessarily about anything I or husband did, but specifically about things that happened 40+ years ago. His ex wife did such and such to him...his other kids don't call him enough...they don't appreciate him..the list goes on. I do not have a relationship with these half siblings, nor do they care to be part of the care giving process. So it has fallen to me.
I recognize we all get reflective as we get older, and it clearly pains him that these children of his don't want much to do with him. But I can't take more of the constant assault of negativity from him. I say things like "sorry I'm the best kid you've got, dad!" In a lighthearted tone, and I've even gotten to the point where I've told him I don't want to hear how bad his other kids are.
How can I cope??
It is difficult for everyone to accept a mind is damaged by Alzheimer's Disease. Not only is memory damaged their ability to process
thoughts and conversations is impaired.
Confabulations and repeating are a major annoyance.
The doctor ignores all my suggestions and my mother does whatever she wants to . If someone tires of her antics she disses them and finds a new victim.
Try to get the family doctor on board with the geriatric referral, and your dad will probably accept it better.
What does he do all day? Is there adult day care he could go to? An elder group that goes to breakfast a few times a week?
It is worth it. JuddhaBuddha, my mom was doing the same thing. Acting like she was deserted by the family and desperate for attention. She was making a nuisance out of herself, bothering everyone, including the secretaries, with her endless needy talk and accusations. Now she pretty much minds her Ps andQs.
See All Answers